My Life: I'm back!

Hello again! I'm back~ I know I know.. after 4 years now I'm back? true or not? But yeap! I guess .. I really need a blog to express myself. Actually I did try starting blogging again like a year back. This is the link >> xexebaby.wordpress.com Anyway i don't think I'll continue there anymore.. I wanna continue writing my life.. Changing a blog doesn't change anything. So yeah.. I'll give u guys some updates of some major events that took place?

So.. here goes! I got a feeling this is going to be heck long blog. Still, I'll try to cut short =) As you all know.. Ben & I broke up. That was the reason I couldnt continue writing here. For those who didnt know, we were together for almost 5 years. I have to say .. I thought he was the one. He's different from the other guys. He's very gentleman.. and I never felt so loved before. You all know I kinda suck in relationship. So finally.. finally I thought, I got the right one this time! woohoo! Sad to say, things did not happen like I thought it would be. We were getting ready to settle down our lives together, we bought a house, we were happy.., and I was just waiting.. for that day. For the day that I would shout out loud YES I DO!!! I guess after 2 years now.. I'm happy you made that choice. Tho I find it really hard to accept in the first place. But.. I'm really happy for you. Cause you found the right one and I'm sure you're very happy with her. I don't hate you Ben. I guess I love you so much to be able to let you go. No doubt that I still think of you.. cry for you.. misses you.. well for all that beautiful memories with you I can say that its totally normal. At least.. now I moved on. Yep. You ~~heard that right!~~ see that right! Though, the news of both of you getting married soon makes my eyes go crazy and couldn't stop crying. I still think that's normal given that we did spent many many years together. So here I am.. wishing you happiness! and its all worth it to be with the one you love =)

Okay so that was one of the major event in my life. LOL, The second one is.. I'M IN SINGAPORE!!!! Well, if you know me as like a real friend and read all of my previous blogs, you'd know how difficult it is for my character and personality to make this choice. .... Okay not that difficult cause I was too hurt and wanted to leave badly, so it was the only thing i wanted to do. It was to leave Kuching.. I couldnt stand another day there and I'm going to leave out all the little details that happened. So yeah, I told my mom a week before and my sis 3 days before I'm leaving and .. I made it. Though I was very sad to leave my family members and just runaway like that. I knew that I needed a change. I am now renting a room, no xiao bai (my car), no mummy's food, only me and me being independent~ I suggest you read my other blog to know roughly hows my life in Singapore. I .. am attached. We had many problems, just like the one I had with my 2nd ex (ah Yek), and if u view my older post, yep, the better looking one is him. Oh yeah, btw, Yek is getting married soon too! Esther showed me a photo of him proposing~ I'm so happy for him! All that heartache I felt for him was so not worth it! lol! We should end earlier and we both could be happier! Ah well.. I guess things do happen for a reason.

So back to my bf and I, we had many problems. We gave up many times. Wanted to go our own ways many times. But you all know me. My heart.. I couldnt do it. and yes, we are still together. 1 year plus now. Things.. are getting slightly better for both of us. I can feel it. I mean much much better compared to like.. 6 months ago? So yeah.. I've been holding on. Trying and trying. I'm glad that its better. But.. I dont know.. Some part of me knows that.. he's not the one. I know it.. He's not the one that I'd spend the rest of my life with. I must be crazy right? Holding on to something I know that its not my future, but cause I am.. too afraid.. too scared of that heartache caused by Ben. I changed without me knowing. Being so reserve and I guess overly independent that I didn't want anyone but myself. Now I'm slowly opening up. Slowly accepting him and his flaws. I hope that.. I can endure long enough and hurt enough to have the courage to end this. Seeing that he is treating me better. I guess it'll need quite some time to end this relationship. hahaha~

So thats all! My major updates~ lol. I'm gonna blog more often cause I feel so much better now =) I'm gonna write about my bangkok trip the next post! Stay tune? Tata!

Some photos to show you what happened when I didnt blog~ lol

This is Wen Wen. She's my best friend in Kuching! She is the one who was with me throughout all my tough time!

Like a tourist in Kch we cycled the town~

Our KL trip to cheer me up!

Damai trip!

Wen, if you ever have chance to read this blog of mine, I wanna tell you thank you. Thank you very much for being with me all the time when I need one. You're a great friend! and I love you!! =D

After I broke up, my new life begin~ I party crazily every single night!

Though we don't talk to each other anymore, It's okay~ Cause we really did had a great time together! I'm glad you guys were in my life before.

You cannot imagine how crazy I was.. my sis saw me going to toilet with my make up and I was so drunk I told her I make up before I shower. Some crazy shit like that haha, The moment you go to work with perfect make up on the face from last night is priceless~ The awful hangover at work sucks~ but once its 11pm the night became so damn damn young! Many many months until I told myself, Stop. Celina, stop. I stopped partying.. but the hurt got even worse when everything slaps back at my face. Thats when I decided to leave. But of course you cant really stop.. everything.. at once. haha~