Love.. 

Do you think love is difficult? Sometimes I still get angry at Ben. Especially when I look at other ppls happily married photos. Angry at why didn't he just have a bit more self control. Things would have been so different. I'd still be the happiest girl in the world. I was so content with everything.. everything..

I see my friends photo, I just don't believe they can be so happy. I thought to myself, "Ceh I was also like this and trust me this won't last." But they still together leh.. just that one more step... We'd be married, giving angpaus to my niece and nephew.. probably a twins in my tummy. 

Why did you choose her? How can you let go everything of us? Are you happy? Do you treat her kids like your own? I hope you do. I hope you're happy. All the tears I cried for you better be worth it.. All the hurts better exchange for your happiness.  Or I'll really strangle you...  

I think it's because of you, I don't know how to love anymore. I find it so difficult. So difficult to give my heart to anyone. Its as if I don't believe in love.. don't believe in happiness anymore.. I just feel like nothing will last.. 

Maybe cause i feel this way, I feel like it's still best to be single. Do anything I want, decide anything without being influenced.. just be alone.. even if I cry because of loneliness its still worth it. Cause in the end no one understands.. no one knows how I feel. 

Love is difficult. 

If he loves me.. I don't really love him. Can this relationship work? If I love him and he don't seem to love me that much.. will he appreciate me? Will he take me for granted? How can I love when I don't feel love. How can I love when I'm not sure that he love me as much as I love him or probably more. How can I feel safe again? How can I trust any of the guys. Maybe one day I'll meet him.. meet the right person. Maybe then all the fears I have will be gone.. Maybe then I'll love again...Maybe then I'll give my all to him who is really worth it..