The wrong heel

After last night's blogging, i fall asleep like a pig. When i woke up its 8am this morning already xD Bla bla bla i was at work already. Everything turned out quite well until my leg starts to hurt. Tu la, because of what I**** said, i wore the "black" heels. Humph. Match my clothes wa, i couldnt even walk properly. LOL. Dont care, tomorrow im wearing a very not match de heel. haha.

Today is a very sleepy day. =( I thought of my ex a few times today. Feels terrible. Im still thinking whether or not to go for the er.. i dont really know whats that called, need to go church so they can help me "qie duan" my feelings towards him GWA. shrug. Im just trying so so so so hard to forget him and will try any way to forget him. I shop around my place, looking for new clothes that i can wear tomorrow, passed thru so many shops that we both went before. I dont know what im thinking. I guess i want him back.

So I called him and asked him to go for a movie tonight. Dont know whether we'll make it or not. Well, at least i tried my very best. I dont know how long i can take this. Feels like somethings corrupting my heart and mind. Couldnt think straight at all. Feel like i want to work work work till i forget bout him, feel like going kl straightaway. Too many things going thru my mind. Im drowning by my own thoughts. If i leave and go to kl now, maybe things would get better? since we're not gonna see each other? But i need to work there, thats gonna be so sucky. Or work here, and think about him all day long?

I just hope i can delete these memories like how i delete those files in my computer. =/ I need to go church more. Sigh. I still remember the time we went to KL. That was sooo fun! Played in genting, shop together, buy things together, see each other all day long. Well of course my cousin is there too. But still, it was so much fun. I missed him a lot now. All those images of us keep appearing like those spam pop ups. =( how i wish i could hold and hug u tight like i used to?

People say Im always stuck in the past. How can i ever forget? Im still struggling. Just wish and hope for the best. I hope he's happy, at least happier than me, better than me. Damn, i feel like im writing law essay now.

I miss you

Okay.. I just get back.. We didnt went to the movies. He said its his sister birthday tonight. So i went over . Its kinda like a surprise birthday party. But she went out, so yea, my ex and i waited at the living room. We talked, I cried . He told me its pointless to be back together when we're breaking up soon. Cause he know i'll be going over KL to study. I told him i would postpone, but he still doesnt want.

I dont get it. Shouldnt we appreciate the chance we got now?! What he think is that "short pain better than long pain". =( Conclusion, no conclusion. He asked me to stop crying, and so later on I stopped. So i asked him to help me "gua sha" cause i don feel comfortable with my neck. Her sister came back, ate a little bit, he gave me laichee.. so nice. LOL. Then he helped me gua sha. I dont know why its not very pain, I guess my heart hurts more than my skin. Lol, he said nearly bleed, but no lar.

After that, he helped me reverse my car, then i asked for a goodbye kiss. He kissed. The moment he turned away, gosh, I cried again. I couldnt control my tears anymore. So i cried outside his house. The feel is like.. Thats the last time he is ever gonna kiss me and its no more. So i cried and cried. Then i drive home, while crying. So i reached home, i stop crying. Life? Maybe its my problem, im not "open" enough i guess. Its just so hard. I feel so lonely, i feel like finding some friends, but i feel like to stay alone more. I so need an angel now.