Letters to God?

Hey peeps! Finally its Sunday, well, it is a day that I love the most in the weeks. I guess its because I can go to church, during the praise & worship time I can pour everything out to God. I don't know why am I feeling this way today, usually on Sunday I am the "happy jolly" type. I still remember yesterday I watch a movie called "Letters to God". Its so so so so touching! And I loved it! The movie let me understand more things now. A good relationship with God is just all I need to make it through my days.

Honestly, I'm kinda troubled by something. It's my job. Im kinda sick of it. I have no idea why. But i just feel so sick of it! Somehow, there is a part of me that is telling me that "I'm just 20!! I'm not ready to be committed into a job or any job yet! I have no time to do things I wanted to do! I can't exercise and keep up to my diet! I cant hang out with my friends! I cant slack at all!!" ARGH! The long working hours is just making me so so so so so so sick! 1 week 7 days, 1 day off, 1 day shift. Thats it! The rest is full! Full as in 10am - 9pm! Whats worse is that now I need to arrive at 9.45am! Which means I think I have to wake up at 8.45am?!

The more I think of it the more I feel so frus about my job! I wish I'm just like those "boring workers" that doesnt do anything and have the same bloody routine everyday! Like this :

8.30am: Alarm clock rings

8.45am: Reluctantly wakes up

9.15am: Eats oatmeal

9.30am: In the car driving to work

9.48am: Arrive at work

9.49am: Start working

1pm : Eats lunch

1.30pm: Continue working

6pm : Eats dinner

6.30pm: Continue working

9pm : Driving back home

9.20pm: Reach home rest awhile

11pm : Sleep

Can you just imagine? 5 days of working days being like THIS?!! I just don't know how long I can take this! I have a strongly urged feeling that I wanna quit this job! But I know I can't, unless I finish up my gemologist course. Ahh.. It's just so hard, I can't work elsewhere! No matter what I'm just stuck here! Feeling so breathless. Even Ben have like 3 days of shifts, 1 day off, and only 3 days of full shift!! He can go gym in the morning or maybe go home early to rest. Me? I'm totally stuck in this routine! Just feels so lonely when Ben doesn't find me sometimes. Its just like "The perfect routine & I alone", living my own great life.


Besides that reason, I feel like working here with my sister is just creating an ENORMOUS GAP between us. I'm starting to dislike her. She just have this attitude of hers that makes me so frus too. Not to say her husband, we always have misunderstanding. Its like he is always picking on me! I dont know is it because of me living in their house and he thinks that I'm some kinda trouble or burden or whatsoever. I just don't feel like talking to any of them, except for their 2 kids of course. They're just too cute to not talked to or played with. -Shrug- I guess what they say is true, about the gap between employer and employees? I'm starting to feel more like a worker than her sister. Or like a worker that is renting her house. I just feel more like "repaying" her, or thanking her for the money she spent on me. Do I lack family love now? Or am I just too "burdenish"?

Anyways, she just gave me a feel that is so not comfortable. Especially when we have the same customer. She just let me feels that everything I do is wrong, and that she wants to blame everything on me. Maybe she doesn't feel this way about me, but this is how I feel.

(not this lar, but something similar xD)

Ben's family is different, they show more love than I can feel in my own home. During moon cake festival, I had dinner with them at their home. There is KFC, satay, beehoon, kueyteow, and just some other foods (btw, the foods are all tapau-ed, lols). It was just a simple dinner, I brought 2 moon cake jelly. I was kinda shy to eat when auntie cut it for me, it was kinda little (Hello! 2 moon cake jelly for 7 ppl is so little already, include me that would be 8 ). So I kinda reject it by saying it's okay, I ate at home already. Guess what auntie replied? Lols. "Cannot! Must eat, this is moon cake festival, everyone also have to eat". Okay, maybe it didnt mean "anything", but somehow I just feel like, she's treating me like one family. Didn't feel that homey when I'm at my own home with sister or bro-in-law. Weird ho how I am feeling now. Hee.


I know that my sister loves me too, she spent quite a lot of money for my studies & my expenses. I also know that Ben loves me, even though he didn't spent as much as my sister did but Ben's love seems to win hers. Maybe Ben is just good at showing love to me =P Hm.. K lar, I better get going now. I'm talking too much. Heh. Tata!