God Knows Best

Wokay.. Its been quite a long time since i last log in this page. Lately I've been quite busy. Work till 6.30pm, drive home 7pm, went to bath and dinner at boyfriends house.. rest awhile then sleep at my boyfriends house ( don't simply think ar, i sleep with his sister de okays.. =P) The same thing goes for the next day on and on and on. Today i have the time to blog is because my parents came back so im bringing them to dinner later so.. I'm FREE now!! xD

Okay, lets start updating!! I'll start about myself first. =) Don't have much to worries lately. Just got to keep remind myself that I FREAKING NEEDS A DIET.


But that can be solved because my boyfriend is bringing me to gym everyday. *Thumbs Up*


Secondly, i want so bad to earn more money now so i can do more things that i wanted, such as :

1. I freaking wanna change a phone~ my lousy Samsung =(
2. I want to get a lappy!!
3. Crocs (BEC)
4. More money for Oct shopping *AAAAHHHHH*
5. Re-perm my hair!! Ugh~ my hair is so outta shape~
6. A new heels for working =(
7. A woman's best friend. Wait for me!!
8. More and more clothes? =/ (Okay, don't count this in it)


I guess that's about it. Ohh.. Nearly forgetting something. I accidentally POKED my eyes with my fingernails!! =X ouch ouch and it bleeds! Well something about this.. I'm quite happy that :

1. My parents sounded worried, that they asked my boyfriend to bring me to the doctor
2. My sister called from Tawau to care =) love it
3. My boyfriend and his family all cared about me
4. Dear care about me, she called me a couple of times just to ask and a few messages
5. As for Babay, she care too.. Just probably in a meanie way, unlike dear she care like really worried, but babay, called and the 1st thing that came out from her mouth is "Your eyeball need to dig out liao mah?" Very .. no comment about this statement. That's her way of caring even though offensive =X

That's about what happened to me lately i guess..

Process to the next update of my life, BEC.

Kasih Sayang Trip

Haven't been hanging out with them lately.Gonna do so tonight. Hm.. One thing i need to express out before i suffocated till i die. Babay called me today and ask in a way that " Why didn't i find them" and "i cannot always only find my boyfriend and not them".

Gonna answer it here. It might be offensive but that's what i feel and thinks.

Im sorry if i said anything wrong. Every night after working i eat at his house. Yes its true i can find you guys after dinner and hang out. Really sorry. But, you guys never called. You guys made me feel like i am the one who do not care you all and only care about my boyfriend but you guys did not call until today, and that's why we're hanging out. I know.. If you guys don't call, i can call ma right? True.. but did i not text you all? updating you all stuffs.. better than none message from u all until lately? Sometimes even no reply. One more thing, honestly, you guys go out you guys got call me mer? Well seriously i don't believe that lately we didn't meet and dear and babay u 2 also did not meet. I'm sure u guys meet, but i never receive a call from you all to asked me out. I even believed that you guys will text nearly everyday or every morning or every afternoon or every night or every whatever without texting me. Don't tell me lah you guys never find each other for even a day. I'm sure you guys will always sms unless babay is working, but still after working babay sure text dear de lah.. Then you guys hang out. Okay, what am i suppose to do? call you guys everyday and smses you guys everyday when i think you guys are smsing and calling each other everyday without me? I admit, I'm a bit negative thinker like what babay said. Maybe thinking this way is wrong, but still, why never ask me out and waiting for me to ask you guys out when u guys are going out? Weird isn't it? Shouldn't you guys going out and asked me to join? Okay never mind about this, either way i know its my fault and its gonna be my wrong. Secondly, babay say i "cannot always hang out with yek de lah must hang out with you all also".. true.. i know.. but, you guys also hanging out with you all de boyfriend de lo.. even dear and babay meet of course you guys de boyfriend will be there also de lo. Then this is my problem because I'm not like you guys hanging out with friends together with your boyfriends. Why? this is because you guys said channel not right. Well i guess this depends among people. My boyfriend knew all the staffs I'm working with and they all said he's friendly and they get along together well. So then, don't hang out with you guys de boyfriend, hang with only me lar. Of course you guys cant understand my feeling because you guys hang together with friends and hang out with boyfriend together at the same time. Now yek changed a lot already you know? Hanging out with you all and with your boyfriends together of course its nothing wrong and he'd be happy too. So basically all these buried feelings you guys wont understand because you guys are not me. Only God knows best, and only he understands how i feel. Dont call me and said that i never hang out with you all but only with my boyfriend, its because you guys hang out but never asked me out. What if babay working and came back, then me and dear go out and eat supper and took photos, and never asked you? What if dear working in shop making-up people and me and babay go out eat and took photos and never called you? Even after you finish working, exhausted from standing and working, yet still never received a call to join? Maybe you guys never play till so late i don't know. But this is just how i feel.How can i not feel bad and think negatively, never mind, still got message scold by babay that the way i reply message makes her don't feel good. Think how you guys make me feel good .. Dear got what happen, me and babay fly car to find.. Babay got what happen, fly car go find and wait in airport.. Me? Just drop by to see me because you guys wanted secret recipe. Now can you understand? Now do you feel it? Tried to message you all reminding you guys that I'm still here.. checked over and over again both of your facebook profiles to find updates..Did you guys even see my facebook on whats going on with my life? Sometimes i even post something like "BEC when is the next hang out" and lol.. you guys never checked my profile and you guys never know unless i wall you all.. Anyway its all my fault, sorry that i never called and find you guys and asked where you 2 hanging out..Don't get mad at me. I'm just writing my feeling to my blog, i have no courage to tell you guys face to face all these. Remember? I'm always the most scardy cat and never dared to say another word. Tried to voice out a few times, didn't turned out well, so its okay, just remain silence would be better. All to myself, All to my God.

Nevertheless, my life's got better now. Working life is improving, family relationship improving.. Nothing much to add already. That's about it.

** Just back from supper with babay and dear, turns out everything was well.. quite okay with dear, except that still babay give me a weird feeling and fei zai too.. -shrug-

p/s : Internet connection may need to get cut off.. so long Internet =(

Alrights, time to sleep, tomorrow need to work AGAIN. Nightie night..