My Life

F.R.I.E.N.D.S?

2011-08-30T23:07:00.000-07:00

Hello again!!! I just realized that I haven't been blogging since LAST YEAR SEPTEMBER~ Oh my goodness~ haha~ My blog is dead. :P Anyway~ I just feel like blogging today. Maybe its because of today "boring-ful" public holiday and I have nothing to do. I wanted to expressssss myself about friends today. Hmm.. How do I begin...? =/

Okay, Basically, I have many friends.. All the ppl in my FB are my friends~ So I do not lack any friends. Right? But.. True friends?? or.. Good friends?? or BEST friends?? Lemme think~ I have this friend, her name is X. We knew each other when we were so so so so so young (about primary school). We lost contact for a few years, met each other in between but we became "HI-BYE' friends. Then it turns out that she was studying in Kuching. Great! I cannot believe she was studying here and so we met. We were still so good. Everything between us was like old times :P After a few months, I realized that, only if I called her, she would meet me. But she never ever even once called to meet me. I was kinda disappointed by that. I feel like I'm the only one who wanted to find them & they actually just "ying chou" me. But I'm fine lar. Sooner on, our relationship becomes worsen. I dont really remember how it ended. But i missed her. So I FB wall her, hoping to meet someday. =.= She left Kuching and she's currently in Aussie. I guessed that she was unhappy with me and she dont freaking bother me at all? But at least, AT LEAST, I think I did what was right, in "FB Walling" her first. At least, I tried to fix this relationship? She commented my post and now I think its fine between us. Everytime I passed by chonglin park, I still thought of them. :)

I learned something in this friendship thingy, that there is a LINE in every friendship, you cant get TOO close to it, but you cant stay TOO far from it. Seriously, I have had all these past experiences of friendship that turns out bad. And it is always because of TOO close. But I have tried my very best to pull back all the past friendships.

Some best friends, are for hanging out and have fun, looks so close, contact everyday~ but deep down, we know that some "xin shi" in our heart, we cannot tell them. But some best friends are those that I don't contact much, but no matter how long it has been, we always know that they are our truly best friends. Even if we dont talk about our "xin shi" or stuffs, the joy of having them in my life, reminds me that I still have true friends. I think its because of the BOND, the bond in our relationship makes it not easy to be broken off easily. True friends have these bond, even arguments arise, it is still good and kicking hard. LOL. But, if the bond is not there, just a small touch, it could ruin the whole friendship.

My conclusion is, its best to have an understanding boyfriend like my Ben. Whatever problems that I'm facing, I know that he supports me from my back. Thank God, for letting me learn all these about friendships, for giving me a great boyfriend, and for this wonderful life I'm having. xD. Btw, lemme update some pics that i took with Bianca & Esther in Singapore and some other stuffs :P

In the plane to SG ;)

Universal Studio

In Kuching Aiport~ Bub bye~

Ben & I

Thats all for now~ Tata!!

Letters to God?

2010-09-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps! Finally its Sunday, well, it is a day that I love the most in the weeks. I guess its because I can go to church, during the praise & worship time I can pour everything out to God. I don't know why am I feeling this way today, usually on Sunday I am the "happy jolly" type. I still remember yesterday I watch a movie called "Letters to God". Its so so so so touching! And I loved it! The movie let me understand more things now. A good relationship with God is just all I need to make it through my days.

Honestly, I'm kinda troubled by something. It's my job. Im kinda sick of it. I have no idea why. But i just feel so sick of it! Somehow, there is a part of me that is telling me that "I'm just 20!! I'm not ready to be committed into a job or any job yet! I have no time to do things I wanted to do! I can't exercise and keep up to my diet! I cant hang out with my friends! I cant slack at all!!" ARGH! The long working hours is just making me so so so so so so sick! 1 week 7 days, 1 day off, 1 day shift. Thats it! The rest is full! Full as in 10am - 9pm! Whats worse is that now I need to arrive at 9.45am! Which means I think I have to wake up at 8.45am?!

The more I think of it the more I feel so frus about my job! I wish I'm just like those "boring workers" that doesnt do anything and have the same bloody routine everyday! Like this :

8.30am: Alarm clock rings

8.45am: Reluctantly wakes up

9.15am: Eats oatmeal

9.30am: In the car driving to work

9.48am: Arrive at work

9.49am: Start working

1pm : Eats lunch

1.30pm: Continue working

6pm : Eats dinner

6.30pm: Continue working

9pm : Driving back home

9.20pm: Reach home rest awhile

11pm : Sleep

Can you just imagine? 5 days of working days being like THIS?!! I just don't know how long I can take this! I have a strongly urged feeling that I wanna quit this job! But I know I can't, unless I finish up my gemologist course. Ahh.. It's just so hard, I can't work elsewhere! No matter what I'm just stuck here! Feeling so breathless. Even Ben have like 3 days of shifts, 1 day off, and only 3 days of full shift!! He can go gym in the morning or maybe go home early to rest. Me? I'm totally stuck in this routine! Just feels so lonely when Ben doesn't find me sometimes. Its just like "The perfect routine & I alone", living my own great life.

Besides that reason, I feel like working here with my sister is just creating an ENORMOUS GAP between us. I'm starting to dislike her. She just have this attitude of hers that makes me so frus too. Not to say her husband, we always have misunderstanding. Its like he is always picking on me! I dont know is it because of me living in their house and he thinks that I'm some kinda trouble or burden or whatsoever. I just don't feel like talking to any of them, except for their 2 kids of course. They're just too cute to not talked to or played with. -Shrug- I guess what they say is true, about the gap between employer and employees? I'm starting to feel more like a worker than her sister. Or like a worker that is renting her house. I just feel more like "repaying" her, or thanking her for the money she spent on me. Do I lack family love now? Or am I just too "burdenish"?

Anyways, she just gave me a feel that is so not comfortable. Especially when we have the same customer. She just let me feels that everything I do is wrong, and that she wants to blame everything on me. Maybe she doesn't feel this way about me, but this is how I feel.

(not this lar, but something similar xD)

Ben's family is different, they show more love than I can feel in my own home. During moon cake festival, I had dinner with them at their home. There is KFC, satay, beehoon, kueyteow, and just some other foods (btw, the foods are all tapau-ed, lols). It was just a simple dinner, I brought 2 moon cake jelly. I was kinda shy to eat when auntie cut it for me, it was kinda little (Hello! 2 moon cake jelly for 7 ppl is so little already, include me that would be 8 ). So I kinda reject it by saying it's okay, I ate at home already. Guess what auntie replied? Lols. "Cannot! Must eat, this is moon cake festival, everyone also have to eat". Okay, maybe it didnt mean "anything", but somehow I just feel like, she's treating me like one family. Didn't feel that homey when I'm at my own home with sister or bro-in-law. Weird ho how I am feeling now. Hee.

I know that my sister loves me too, she spent quite a lot of money for my studies & my expenses. I also know that Ben loves me, even though he didn't spent as much as my sister did but Ben's love seems to win hers. Maybe Ben is just good at showing love to me =P Hm.. K lar, I better get going now. I'm talking too much. Heh. Tata!

I'm backieee!!!

2010-08-31T02:59:00.000-07:00

Hey Hey Hey!! Yes, yes, It's 31st of August and YES I'M BLOGGING!!! (Its a very boring day you know). Anyway, I would now like to "blast" you guys all the stuffs I have been doing since the day I last blogged. =P

The most recent will be.. *drums* BENJAMIN ONG's BURFDAY!! Yeap, and that is just 2days ago (28/9/10). Happy Birthday Baby!! Hope you love the present I gave you! xP Here's some sneak peek! Enjoy xD

After putting the cotton in the pillowcase

After sewing all the stitches~

After 2 months, finally done!

The back part of the pillowcase~

Hold on.. There's MORE~ TAH DAH!!

Obviously with my standard I can't make cake as pretty as this~

But at least still can make something like this~ ^^

May all your dreams come true baby~

I know you don't like me to show this pic cause u look fat here, but i don't care! It's my blog! I didnt put in fb is give u face liao hor~ hehe~

So yea, that is how we celebrated his birthday, nothing grand or "public", but just a simple simple day that I love so much :)

Oh yea, I wanna use this chance to share a testimony of what God did to my life too. Thank you Lord for everything. Here goes, There is this Sunday, I went to visit Blessed Church (another church in kch, my church is City Harvest). During the offering, my purse was only about rm80. I planned to just put in Rm10. Hehe. But then there is this feeling of mine, that wants me to put in rm50. So I was thinking.. Hm.. maybe i was just thinking too much, I know that if i put in this rm50, I would only have rm30 until Sept 2 when my salary is out. =.= That's gonna be so long until Sept 2. So i closed my eyes, asking God for 3 times! Whether or not you want me to put in rm10 or rm50. After the 3rd time, still not much sign of rm10. So i say, "Aahh.. It's okay lar. Just put in. God will blessed me in a way". Guess what? I put it in, few days later, I got a raised of rm200 in my salary! Thank God for everything~ Really Thank God.

Lately, I have been missing Esther & Bianca a lot. FYI, bianca is going to Saudi Arabia. Somewhere near Jordan. That is.. so far.. =( Im gonna miss u a lot babay!! A lot~ And dear Esther, i think she is currently in Korea having fun with bossie & auntie. So Enjoy dear!! Love u guys lotss! Once more, never one day i forget both of u^^ I'm honestly quite happy when I think that we all have our own happy life now. Bennie, still very sayang me. I'm so so so lucky to have him. He's enough for me, and he's all I wanted. Thanks baby for everything. =) Love u so much. I guess I shouldn't think too much (which is what I always did when I'm free =.=). I should just be happy everyday and just let God do the rest. Whichever road im going, I'm going to let God decide. I just need to be myself, I dont need to change anything (unless it's bad attitude or something) because I know that.. "wo bu bi bie ren cha", Thank you Lord for always reminding me that.

Btw, one last thing I need to tell you guys, IM QUITTING LAW!!!! xD Not to say forever, but for now. Yea, I made my choice, & I think its a right choice, cause if it is not, God will not open up ways for me & so if it is, God will surely open up ways and let me know. Im studying GIA. Its about diamond lar. xD So I guess my life would be a bit different than studying law. Most of my time now will be working. At least i have my own income to do things I wanted to do. Hooray for that! Well, I think I'm talking too much. So long for now. Tata!

Be happy always?

2010-06-08T00:06:00.000-07:00

Hey .. Its June already!! Time passes so fast right? I couldnt believe it myself too that its really been this long already. Ben and I are already in the 6th month.That is fast right? It was just like yesterday when we just got together. Hm, actually, I'm not feeling very happy today. So i decided to blog. I realized that i only blog when I'm sad, or when im happy.

In the morning i felt pretty good. But i guess mood changes. I'm kinda down now. My sister called. She wants me to learn how to pay income tax and you know, all those li li dat dat stuffs? At first i was okay. She wanted me to learn. But here comes the part that changes everything.

She said, "how can you be a lawyer if you don't know all these?" , "do you know that lawyer has to do all these stuffs?" , "LAWYER LAWYER LAWYER". OKAY OKAY! i get it i get it. I started feeling, "law". Is it really me? I know that i always wanted to be a lawyer. I know it. It has got to be lawyer. But why does my heart feels this way when it is not me saying it. Weird. Then i hanged for a sec. And now im all confused about this whole Law thingy and Me.

I started to analyse, why why why? I thought i always wanted it. Then i started realise, i guess its because of that 1 year training in KL that I need to go after my degree and the "things to do" which are like as high as mountains?? I guess i just missed my boyfriend too much. =/ I know i know, what you guys are thinking, "Hello Celina! you still got another 3 years to go and you dont even know whether you will pass your year 1 or not! WAKE UP!". Right? I know that too okay. And being a lawyer, it feels like i have a lot a lot a lot to do!! But then *snap* i just need to become a more successful lawyer then I am going to order people to do it. Not me. LOL. Thanks Lia. Its just that, maybe i got carried away. So my fault for thinking that far.

Then, here comes the part that worsen my mood.

She wanted me to pay my own road tax and insurance for myself! I was like.. @_@ "you know i don't have money". Well, she replied, you got to have your own responsibility, and i will pay half for you. Okay, "i will pay half for you", WOW!! that really BRIGHTENS my day! How the heck am i going to get even half of it? =.= My money in the purse only left RM100, and i will only get my salary NEXT MONTH! which is JULY! =.= Thats not all, i still have to pay for my bloody broadband service that is slow and lag, my own freaking expenses, including my car fuel. This is just horrible! I never feel so broke before~ Please god, please please please, HELP ME! Sending an S.O.S so that my Father receive it.

But now, after a few hours (after paying the income tax that my sis want me to "learn"), hm.. I realized that I tend to forget something very important, that is God wants us to be happy and to be joyful everyday. And what i did was not doing what God wants us to do. But now i totally understand. I shouldnt think too much. Right? About the road tax and insurance. I guess I'll just borrow from my hubby, and pay him back slowly when i have enough money. I shouldn't sit here and be sad about whats happening, instead i should start thinking on how to solve my problems and be happy about it! Im sure God has prepare everything for me and i should be thankful for everything now. (At least i still have RM100 right? =P) About my studies, Im gonna do it with all my heart leaving me NO regrets. But of course im going to give myself 1 trial. In other words, if i fail this time, im giving another attempt. If i fail twice in year 1, i stop. I'll go for Gemologists. xD And, about the KL CLP thingy. Cecilia said i can actually study in kuching, and go to KL just for the exams. Sounds perfectly great. And i believe, that my relationship with Ben, wont get easily influenced, ruined, or spoiled. We gotta have trust between each other right? That is how me n Ben is gonna work out, and it will turn out perfectly fine. I know it.

Baby I Love You ok. =) i know you got migrain headache now and your head cant move because you sprained your neck in gym =P and you probably wont be reading this because you are on the bed laying down sweetly. Well even if you're not, you just wont come reading my blog all of a sudden. So yea. I just wanna let you know. I will always be there for you when you need me. And our love will get stronger and stronger each day. Thanks so muchie. Hehe =)

Conclusion of my blog today, I really need to be thankful for what is happening on me and stop complaining, stop being not satisfy at everything. Just like our pastor said last week. I must believe that good things will happen to me today and everyday!! I just need to be happy, joyful and stop those worrying! Worrying does no good to us anyway. So yeah! Im all sunshine now. Well i guess, thats about it. Oh, one more, I was just looking through my facebook. I saw Esther's pictures. May god be with her and boss. I can see that she's really happy. I guess .. I just need to stop thinking all these. We all have our own life now, and mine is as great as anybody else! As for Bianca, dont worry, Father will always be with you and Alvin too hor. Just do what you always do and be happy!! =)

I love you guys so much, and not one day i have forgotten about you two (B.E.C). K lar. Im off to work now. Ciaoz people. XoXo.

Teardrops.

2010-04-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

I'm very stress now. I cried. Hopping it will decrease the stress, which i think it helped a bit.

Stress of school work. Exam is coming. Damn! i promise myself that I'll never study last minute if i pass this year. Lord please let me pass. It is all i need.

Another reason why i cried (attacked by satan), I actually sees someone profile. She's pretty no doubt. I just cannot stop thinking all the negative thoughts. I know im not suppose to. I know everyone has got their own past. I shouldn't bother since its your past. But its hurting my heart. I know i should be looking at the present and the future. You're mine now, i know. I'm sorry dear. I guess its just all the stress that I'm going through. =( I didn't mean to see her profile, but all those thoughts just came. And its making me crying non-stop. I dont know why. I guess im just releasing stress.

Was actually planning to tell you how i feel when you came back home later. But i just received your call. You're upset because of some stuffs of yours. =( Sorry to hear that too dear. Well i guess since you're sad, maybe I'll just talk to you about this some other day. I really don't want to make you mood worse. Talk to me and I'll listen and comfort you always k. =) You know i will always be there for you. *Hugs & Kisses*

Anyway, only Jesus will understand how i feel. After praying i feel better now. Sorry bi if I'm a sensitive, cry baby, emotional and thinks a lot type of girl, but this is just how i am. =) I Love You.

21 - 04 - 10

2010-04-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

Today is a very very good day, thank you Lord for everything. I'm really grateful. Besides our great father, i really wanna thank Ben, my secretary, because you really made my day. Thanks baby! Hehe.

Why would i say he is my personal secretary? I'm really impressed by you. He made 2 appointments for my dental check-up (for braces), woke up at 8.30am to wake me up. LOL. Drive me around to find my dentist until 11.30am. He's totally starving. I couldnt forget the face he was eating his rice AND my mee. == Baby, i wont let you become that hungry again, kinda hurt my heart and i dont want that to happen to you again. So thanks baby for helping me to find these dentists. (Seriously, i dont think many guys would do this ^^)

Okay, secondly, i have got a great gift today. Hehe. Its a new PHONE!!! AAAAHHHH!!! celebrate and shout with joy!! hahahaha~! He actually wanted to get me I-phone, but since I-phone latest 4g is coming out soon, we both really feel its not so worthy to get 3gS. Besides, if I really want iphone, i might as well wait until 4g to come out, which is gonna take MONTHSSSS~ haha!! So, we took HTC LEGEND instead. Its okay baby. Im gonna really take good care of MoMo. hehe!

Im just so so so so so so happy today!! Everything just worked out so perfectly fine! Thank you Lord, thank you so much!! Today is a very memorable day~I'm so happy till I actually cried just now. Feel so good. =)

Hm, gotta go now. Tomorrow have to wake up at 6am then go jogging with Lia-Lia. Hehe. Oh, I so gotta start PLAN C for studying!! May 11 is the day of my first paper!! So stress and worried! But i know God will always be with me! And I WILL PASS with LIA LIA too!!! *Amen* Study study study after jogging tomorrow! Time is passing so fast and it feels like there is no more time for me to waste~ AAhhh.. ok lar, ciao friends~ haha *yippie* *doink doink doink*

Stress stress stress~~

2010-04-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

(This picture taken during Babay's nightstop in Kch. Miss my straight hair and very miss my Babay)

Hello peeps. =) Today is the most boring wednesday ever. I guess its because my baby boy did not off today and off tomorrow. Humph, I went to the library this morning, studied a bit and then went back home after branch with baby boy. Played fb for a few hours and then rest. Sleep till 7pm n(if not wrong), had dinner and then here i am. Sitting in front of my precious Sunday blogging. Well i did copied some notes from Cecilia ok. =P At least i did something.

Today i have a very choc-ko-lat feel.

Hehe. Called my teeth teeth to go buy liao, but i think i wont be able to eat it tonight la, since he is going out with his brothers to Empuru~ But i really hope he can drop by my house and pass it to me der... so i wont be boring lo when i study tonight~ (understand what i mean liao ho? Reach here 10.30pm ha. hahaha)

Hm, a bit emo today. Cause i think im really stress. I went to Lia-Lia's profile. Check out her photos. And i saw a picture of her with Amelia and their Popo. Like the usual me, I cried and prayed for them luu.. I know God will listen to me, especially that im crying, our Father sure also sam tong for us de. I know our Father. When he closes our door, he'll always open another small window for us. You're right lia lia, He will know what to do and for our exams too. =)

I put u nice2 de pic oh (actually wanna put the pic i taller than u de ba) haha. C im so good de. wahahahaha

Oh, just a small update on what happened on 7/4/2010. Check it out!

Guess where this is =P

*Crabbie Crabbie*

Tah dah!! Come on, its so obvious! Kota Kinabalu!!

Haha, surprise surprise!! A day trip in KK. My most memorable day. Hehe. Everything is so worth it.

Thanks baby and thanks Babay. Even though we didnt meet in KK, but i can feel your heart already. =) Im gonna treasure and appreciate each time we have a chance to meet,because we're in different place now. Meeting each other is not easy. Sisters forever =)

When Friendship Ends..

2010-04-03T07:24:00.000-07:00

Howdy people! =) Ah.. finally I have the time to blog. You guys know de lah i'm sooooo "busy" =P Things are going fine in Kuching~ Living quite a happy life~ Love it actually. Hm.. Lately i'm very into "friendship" this topic. I've been thinking about it too.

Friendship.. It is always happy when it just started, everything feels so good and smooth cause we know that our friend is always at our back (backing us up). But when it ends, tears can come out non-stop, you can even think about it every day of that friend, and honestly for me, i think it can be compared to breaking up with a bf. It just feels sorta the same.

Sometimes i asked myself, is all friends good at first and always end up fighting or ignoring each other? Or that friends is suppose to be like this, thats why we all have never ending friends? There are so many types of friends (for me) :
-Really really good friend that can text msg everyday
-Friends that used to be very good and suddenly not contacting (usual)
-Friends that used to be best friend and just start ignoring you
-Friends that think you back stabbed her
-Friends that pushes you away
-Friends that act fake in front of you?
-Friends that you can see being fake to each other
-Friends that misses friend when knowing no one misses her

Hm, now i think i know, why do people think that other people change. Actually, for me, maybe that person didnt change. Maybe because the gap between each other becomes bigger and suddenly when they saw that person, they think the person change. Or maybe the person did change, or I should say just being themselves when we thought they are actually different. There is no right and wrong between friends right? Because i think they are just being who they are. Maybe it is I who always think the wrong way? -shrug-

Ah~ I'm talking crap already. Goodnight.

March~

2010-03-05T08:05:00.000-08:00

Time has past so fast. It is now the month of March. Feeling blanked and stressed lately. Sick of a few things but it will not change anything.

Firstly, my job.

*Total disappointment towards some of you*

I'm so so so so sick of it!! I cannot believe~ i feel so innocent and "blamed"!! One sentence for you guys~ "If you're afraid that people will say you, then don't do it. But when the person talk about you, don't blame that person because what he/she said is true about you"!! I wont explain anything to each of you, it doesn't even matter if I SAID OR I DID NOT SAID. Pointless at all. So think what you all think, because its totally not my shit =) I'll just mind my own little business, doing my own "busy" thing. LOL. I just watched a video from youtube, i think i learned a little thing from there. -less complain would make the day a better day-

Okay, I don't wanna go deep into the previous topic. Secondly, my studies~~Oh My Oh My!! I haven't been studying hard enough!! So many topics that i don't understand, so many that i haven really go into details!! AAhhhhh... So many more to go!! Common Law, Public Law, Criminal Law & Contract Law!! Lord, save me!! Please guide me. Please strengthens my heart so that i can have the mood to study and complete it and pass it so that i can proceed to next year~ Please!! I really need to start studying~ I need a strong heart that keep making me study~ =/ Philippians 4:13 - I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me!! Love ya my Father. xD

So far so good,everything besides the above has been working quite well in my life.
- My love life is going well and getting better each day ; )
- My friends are still my friends~ =P
- Family relationship getting better too xD
- Healthy life as usual =D

I guess this is what matters right? Still having my simple life but I'm loving it so so much!

p/s: Here are some pictures taken on Feb. Enjoy :)

KL Trip

CNY visiting trip with classmates

Btw, im missing my Benny so muchhhhhh!! He's currently in KL. =( But he's coming back in a few days. YIPPIE!!! Mucks! Cant wait to see u baby!!

XoXo

2010

2010-02-19T04:05:00.000-08:00

Howdy fellow friendsss.... This is my very first post in the great year of 2010! =) Im loving it! LOL! There is so much to update about my life.. So many things had happened since the last blog i posted. Well, before i start anything.There is something great i wanted to share.. IM ATTACHED!!!! LOL. Come to think of it. Its kinda fast ho.. Just scroll back to the previous blogs then you know how fast it is. Even though its quite "fast", i never regret on anything =) Baby, i love you.

My life now in kuching, is getting better and better each day. Another 9 more days is me and my boyfriend 2nd monthsary!! OMG~!! I'ts been 2 month already! so soon?! And my days in kuching had been 5 months already! Well time do past very fast. Hm, baby, thanks so much for everything! Im really gonna appreciate us. *muuahh*

Life has been very busy now. Especially when exam is near and i haven really started my reading, not that i havent start, but it just cant get into my mind.. aaaahh..so sick of studying already =( Lord, please dont let me give up.. really doesnt want. I've been listening to so many songs lately, keeps flashing back the past when im in KK. Yes yes, its true. I do miss KK. But those are already part of my memories. Everything there, the happy times, the fun times, they now become my memories. Im gonna keep the nice one, and throw the bad ones away. Friends, still gonna be my friends. I'll never forget the good days of CESS , B.E.C, & The Flies. Im having a great life now, and im loving it. =) All the best to you guys there okay.

Okay, Just to briefly let you guys know what happened in the days that i disappeared *poof*, i was working in sibu and was busy studying, apart from that which you guys knew from the previous blogs, i went to kl and celebrated Chinese new year with my family, and i celebrated Valentines Day with my boyfriend!! Sounds great right?!! haha! Here are some pics! Enjoy =)

Made this for Benny on our 1st Monthsary together. When you pull the string, this picture will come out

Besides that card, i made spaghetti for him!! My first time cooking spaghetti (or anything eatable) LOL

Sweet Sweet Love

Recieved this "delivered" flower when i was working in Sibu during Christmas Eve

My busy days in Sibu =(

After working in Sibu, i went back to kuching on Valentines Day. I handmade this for him =)

100% Handmade LOL

In exchange, he gave me a "flower" and a watch on V day

(The Beat, I LOVE IT)
This is his so called "flower" haha! Baby, i love everything u give okay~ even if its the grass from the street! xD

My brand new watch! yippiee!!

After celebrating V day, the next day i flew to KL =P

Happy Chinese New Year!! I LOVE YOU ALL! *muaks*

So, thats all for now. haha. TATA =P

XoXo

A Thousand Words..

2009-12-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

More than a thousand words i feel that i need to express since last night. Life has become too dramatic. Argh.. how can i ever start? Is this decision even right? Should i even come back? Things doesnt seem to work well anyhow. So complicated.

I guess.. things cannot turn back. Not even cannot turn back, its better we dont think of it. Sometimes, its really heartache. See you cry , i feel like crying.. Haih.. Nvm la.. Dont know what can i do now. So stucked in the middle. Heartache to hear u say like that. Heartache to see all this happen. I think Kuching is still the best place. I guess the next time i come back will be another 6 months. Sometimes i feel so pointless to come back already. Dont like to hear/see all these. Tired. I just wish someone can understand everything . Hope someone can know what is happening. Hope there is someone that I can pour everything out.

Its okay. I will just let things go its own way. K la. Enough. Say so much also useless, say so much also pointless. So many things keep roaming in my mind, so many things.. =/ Why feel so? Sigh. Hate this feeling so much.

The Christmas Month

2009-12-09T09:38:00.000-08:00

It has been a month, feels like a year to me now.. So many things had happened and it feels so dramatic. I am currently in KK now "enjoying" my holiday. Feels like a thousand words that i need to say but I just didn't know where to start.

Okay, just telling it briefly bout what happened in November. As usual, study study study, and then working working working..Hang out with friends and of course have fun with friends too. After my birthday, we celebrated Cecilia's birthday. Haha. That was an unforgettable one. We actually had Durian on that day. Overall, only 1 word to describe = FUN.

A few days after that, I went to Sibu. Guess for what? Work lo. Now ar, money is so important that we cannot live without, BUT, of course we should not see money as a very very "BIG" thing. You know what? Things that can be bought by money cannot consider as something that is valuable. This is because valuable things cannot be bought.Right? There are so many example around us that we can see. Most obvious, our life. Btw, love is too oh..

Talking about life, I had a car accident. =.= I'm lucky that I'm safe. I'm really thankful that i can be here typing, or else..... LOL. Well, i came KK on the 5Th and today is the 5Th day here. On the 2ND day, i banged my brother's car. Family members called and of course scolded me. Things were not going well and honestly I'm quite unhappy about that. The good news is.. everything is FINALLY settled and i can sleep well without thinking about it. No doubt that i need to pay a certain amount.. yes yes even though purse is bleeding, but its worth it to learn a lesson and my life is totally more than that amount.. wahahhahaa.... =P

Ah, just to let you guys know, I'm staying in Esther's house. Reminds me of last time when i used to stay at her house too. So many memories that i cannot forget. The good old days of BEC? Where is it now? Sometimes, when things changed, it can never go back. I guess that is something that is undeniable. Oh, thanks so much dear, lou mou, lou dao let me sleep over here. Really gam dung and appreciate oh.. =) Babay, thanks so much too oh cause I'm gonna sleep at your house soon too.. Haha.. I love both of you so much you know that?

Today, feeling quite disturbed. Don't know why. Ahh.. don't wanna talk about it or think about it. Thinks too much never do good anyway. Feels like everything is settled but somehow this feel still lingers in me. =/ Oh, hundred thanks to Benny for everything. You know what i mean if you're reading this. =P Sometimes all i need is just an ear. Thanksie. Last but not least, a million thanks to God. Because without him, i wouldn't be here, without him everything is not possible, Thanks Lord. =P Luckily parents did not get angry at me. Just thanks so much to everyone. See, i still feel like a thousand things i wanna say!! But just couldn't start. Maybe words are hard for me to express. So I'd better stop now. Tata~

19th Birthday?

2009-11-09T10:09:00.000-08:00

Hey guys.. Its been a long while right? I haven't been posting for the past 1 month. So many things to do.. so many things to think.. Finally, i think its time for me to blog again. I didn't have the courage to blog lately. I have been thinking a lot. So many things had came across my mind and causes confusion. Even now, I am still.

Today is my 19th birthday. Honestly, I dont feel quite happy now. I felt happy just now. But then everything crashes down. Maybe its my problem, i dont know. Sometimes maybe im just too tired. My bf and I, we broke up. Its about 3 weeks already. Im having quite a hard time actually. Sometimes even cry when i think about it. But im acting quite well in front of my friends. At least i did not keep crying in front of them. At least i let them feel relieved. But how can i relieved?

After a few days we broke up, we never contacted each other. Its okay. Maybe it would be better? So he texted me today. Asking me how am i. I told him I'm fine. 3 short messages. We ended our conversation. I guess, he still remember me. As tomorrow is my birthday, maybe he thought of me. 12am just now, he texted me, wishing me happy birthday. I replied him by saying thank you. He called me but i was at the cinema. So we did not talk much. You know what? It felt like i haven hear his voice for years. After hearing his voice, i suddenly remembered it so clearly how his sound was actually like. Its not like i forgotten how he sounded, but.. its like i only remember what he said, but not his voice.

Im trying so hard, so hard so hard, to live my life without you. Struggling over and over again to not think of you. Sometimes i just forgot. I miss you. But i know its over. I dont know how will my future be. But i guess, the chances we're getting back together is a very rare chance. All i can do, is to wish all the best for you in your life. Maybe if you're life is good, i will be happier. Weird, Im saying all this, in a very peaceful heart. Im not crying, not "very" sad, I'm feeling just nice. I think about you, but just the old memories. I guess, its time that i really let you go. I dont mean that i will never think about you or completely forget about you.I still think of you.But maybe at times, maybe when i saw certain things or when i hear certain songs. I dont know. Its impossible to forget you completely. Its a total impossible thing, cause you've really entered my heart and you leave me your memories that i cannot erase it. Okay maybe im crying now, i guess its because, its always hard to say goodbye. I'll always wish the best for you and I'm always gonna be your friend, even though we're not together. =) May god always be with you.

I may still need time to recover. I dont know how long. It may be a few months, a year, maybe 2 years? i dont know. Still trying my best at it.

I wanna thank my friends. Especially babay, dear, and Ben. Babay, thanks for flying from KK to Kuching, just to celebrate my birthday. You dont know how grateful and thankful am i? I really feel like crying now. Im really happy. Dear, Its ok if you did not make it. Come on, BEC forever right?? Eventhough now things doesnt seem to work out like how we used to be, but its okay, because what you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now girls. There may be misunderstanding, there may be arguments, maybe still unhappy? But, how many of 10 years do we all have? How many times of best buds can we meet in 10 years? I miss both of you. i miss both of you so much that i cannot stop crying and thinking how happy we were. I know, sometimes things cannot turn back time. But if i have a choice, why not start it all over again? God says " Forgive and Forget", Matt. 6:14-15 & Hebrews 8:12. Say amen please girls if you're reading. Haha. I really hope, things will be better for all of us. We're "true heart friends", and you know we saw ppl who dont have "true heart friends".Remember? heh =)

Lastly, thank you Ben.

The crocs i love it so much, and the little kitties, the toblerone choc, the nestle yogurt and

the perfume. =) =) =) I really do. Another thank you for you, is that, when im sad in kuching, you accompanied me. Even watched the boring-est movie ever. Haha. Im happy to know you. I really do. Please know that. Next time, smile more please, you looked fierce okay. Btw, friends friends who is reading, Ben is someone i met in kuching. A real nice and thoughtful guy, somehow really sweet. Ben, sorry if i made you angry or always "fa pi qi". Sometimes maybe im lack of something i dont know. Sometimes i dont even know why i did it. Just sorry lah for my "puo la, ye man, tiao man,la kia" attitude. haha. Give me some time. xD Come with me to church plsss when u got time. Heh.

Okay lar.. im being sooooo ah po liao.. heh.. Tata and goodnight. =)

Ending of September~

2009-09-30T02:00:00.000-07:00

(Okay, I think i never upload this pic b4, so yeahh! =D)

I've been in Kuching for like a month already. Things are getting slightly, I repeat, SLIGHTLY better okay. Haha. I've known my classmates. During the one hour break of Mr.David's class, Ching Ching, Lisa, Siew Foong, Ah Boon and I will walk to somewhere near to eat and walk back to our school. It's quite fun actually, 5 girls walking on the street under the HOT sun. LOL. Not only that, we even planned to go exercise together. Tomorrow, Ching Ching, Ah Boon and I will go for a jog in a park (which is near to Ching's house). Kinda like the plan xD So tomorrow, in remembrance of BEC, im gonna wear the green so called "yoga" pants! haha!

It's gonna be 1st of October tomorrow, and on the 3rd, my boyfriend is going to KL & Singapore, leaving me alone in kuching. Not only that, on the 11th B&E is going to KL, leaving me alone AGAIN!! ah... really don't like the feel. I really hope i can go together and have fun. But too bad i have classes, and its so important that i cannot afford to leave. =( Even though i cant go myself, i still hope that they would enjoy of course. Argh! i just cant wait till its my time to go KL and shop =(

So now, the things i can only do is to study hard as i just recieved my offer letter from UOL!!! Heh. Now i can have my textbook after paying it. Nice! Gonna really start studying hard hard hard, not only that, im gonna work work work, so i can earn some income for myself. I cant wait to save till i get to buy things that i wanted itfor so long ago. My own camera~ Ohhh im dreaming it already.

Anyway, Im so so so so into SINGING all of a sudden. Okay, Im always into singing, but this time, the few years back of hyper singing came back to me. Thats the sign of MEETOTO!! LOL!! So yea, after tonight's revision, im gonna sing sing sing =P So right now, i gotta sleep. I've used like ALL my energy up listening to David's lecture. (Actually just trying not to fall asleep) =P TATA!!

The 3 Princesses~

2009-09-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

This is a story about 3 little princess from different backgrounds and different lifestyle. Firstly :
Princess Esther : - The eldest among the 3
- A successful make up artist
- A boss of her own shop
- Love drinking kilkenny & having fun
- Have a very nice royal family
- Nickname : Cheba

Princess Bianca : - The second oldest among the 3
- A successful stewardess working in MAS chicken wing =P
- A model with a tall and long body (won in many beauty competition)
- Love dancing & having fun
- Have a very nice royal family
- Nickname : Choba

Princess Celina (me) : - The youngest among the 3
- Always wanted to become a lawyer
- A short and small sized body
- Love singing & having fun
- Have a very nice royal family
- Nickname : Chaba

After briefing the 3 princesses personality, I would now like to start the story of mine.

Long long ago, in the far away kingdom of Kota Kinabalu.

This 3 princess was destined to meet each other. How they came to know each other? This is something funny. It all started from the year 2002 in a small royal school of All Saints. You see, destiny is something very funny. It turns round and round until they actually became best friend for Celina and Bianca.

Before both of them ever knew the existence of each other, Celina, somehow happen to know this guy, WESLEY.

They were so friend and they decided to become K "brother and sister". Bianca, so coincidentaly to be Wesley's sister. She doesnt like Celina at all actually, she's often unhappy because her brother care an outsider more than her own sister. So this is what happened..

But, without being a small gas of Bianca, somehow, we happens to be friend.

(must be Jesus reunited us LOL)

So,every year, just like any other school, sports day will be held on the beginning of the year. Bianca happen to be the cheerleader of Henthorne, recruited me in. We then became close friends, and later on to best friends. We texted everyday, telling each other the secrets of ourselves. For quite awhile, Wesley seems to like disappeared in the thin air *poof*

As times goes by, every year of our cheerleader competition, we will gather together with our other team members and practice. That was the happiest time when i was in school. Thanks so much. Both of us then grew up, seldom contacting each other, they kinda lost contact.

So happen to be, I, Celina, found a new boyfriend. Prince Yek is his name.

Get together for some time. One day, he asked me out to meet his primary school friends. I agreed. Know some of his friends, one of them, the prettiest among all, her name was Princess Esther.

We talked awhile, getting a bit worried due to her prettiness, I was afraid that my Prince would get attracted. =P At last it didn't. So i was relieved.

Sometime again, after Celina and Bianca's graduation, they get connected

and then disconnected. Until one day, Bianca called, she told me she was going to Miss Sabah competition, being busy, i couldn't attend any of her show. =( Too bad for me, but good news for her because she got the SECOND PLACE! *woots*

Just so happen to be, Esther that i met a few months ago was Bianca's personal make-up artist~

After a few months, I went to a singing competition, of course as Bianca being my best friend, i told her. She came, bringing along Esther. Shocked. (See, this is why i say destiny is so funny =.=) Anyway, we sat down, chit chatted. I realized, we could get along quite well.

Some time after that, I received a text message from Bianca, asking me to photo shoot with them. Due to some difficulties, I did not get to go. Anyway, they had lots of fun. Check out the pretty pics =)

Okay, this is the main point of everything. This is the time, where we officially really HANG OUT AND HAD FUN!! It was on Princess Esther 21st birthday bash!!

And since that day onwards, 3 of us have been hanging out! Not only us, they brought along Hello Kitty! Our new pet cat LOL!!
Our FIRST hang out activity was.. TAH DAH!! BBQ NIGHT!! we have lotsa fun! and we had a very full dinner. We took lotsa pics too. i love that time. We were totally like real sisters~!!

Second hang out activity..*drums* STEAMBOAT NIGHT!!! Bukit Padang steamboat Rm30++

Going down to how we get our nicknames, is from the movie COMING SOON! (man, this movie still freaks me out until NOW)

PHOTOSHOOTING TIME!!!

Our night outing~

HELLO~! It's Private okay! =P

Wu la la~

TAKE ONE~!

Hyper Hyper!! The night is still young!!

Celina: Bianca you ok?
Bianca: Yea i'm fine no worries, just feel like puking

Celina: Okay then, I continue my drink..

Five minutes later.. Oh Gosh~ totally drunk!

TAH DAH!! KENA TIPU!! CRABBIE TIME!!

This is the most excited part of all, CHAN RAK KHUN DAY!!!

Having fun in Bar Code!

Not to forget, this is the day where Princess Esther met her Prince Boss

And also on the same particular day, it is Prince Chun's birthday~

Okay, I know what you guys are thinking, so unfair to put both of your bf here right, okay okay~ nah~ should balance out already gwa~ haha!

Our randomness FUN nights!!!

*Showing off our tatoo! LOL*

Never to forget the time of Birthday celebration of OUR PARENTS!!! xD

Serious part of the pic~

Crazy part of the pic~

Present for you daddy!

Last but not least, the KASIH SAYANG TRIP.

After all those fun and happy times. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. Celina then went to Cat City studying her law. Bianca and Esther, continue living in KK.

Girls, what i am about to say is that, i miss you!! and its not easy to get through here. So, im gonna appreciate all of you!! Will never forget all of you, and will always LOVE YOU GUYS!!! CHO CHE CHA BA FOREVER!!! BEC FOREVER!! Even though we don't contact each other everyday, please know that, my heart, is with all of you everyday.Even though fights and misunderstands occur, its okay, who in this world never made mistake? who in this world never fights or misunderstood? See, even if there is quarrels between us, the happy pictures above, just let me forget of what is unhappy and remain only the happy ones. All the hard times we've been through,will just make us stronger in our relationships. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

p/s: I didn't upload too many pics, i start writing at 12 and its 2 now! crazy, i gotta sleep lol. The others, we keep it in our memories okay? Hugs and Kisses!!

Confusion

2009-09-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

It's 12.39am now. I should be on bed now. I am so tired, so exhausted about what had happened. Listening to City Harvest Church Singapore songs. So many things pass through my mind. Most of it, is about you.

I remember.. how we first met. how we get together. and until now. All these running through my mind. I wanna stop thinking, but how? I just feel like i love u so much, but why am I feeling this way? I've been trying so hard to make both of us until now. Now that I'm in Kuching. I still try my best to keep us together.

Just last night, you told me you're suffering. You say you cant get over the past. I cried, not because i am unhappy or angry. But because i made you unhappy and made you uneasy. Its because all these while when i thought we were happily together, you were not happy. And yet u lied to me saying that you were happy.

You called me later on after your drink with your friend. But the way you talked to me. I can feel it already. There's nothing much left of us. I should have just let you go long ago. You might have be happier and better. All because of me, because i loved you and wanted to be with you. Now i know, i made it worse. Im sorry. Now, i will let things go naturally.

I think i know what you want already. Maybe coming to Kuching is a good idea. This time, i wont be a controller anymore. Lets make things go its own way.

Well thats about my boyfriend that i have to update about my life. The other things about things going on in my life.. Hm, I've been going to church lately for this few days - Pastor Kong came to Kuching. I never knew his existence until the past few days =.= How stupid was I LOL. Listen to him say many great things, I learned a lot. Thanks to him =)

Today everything went quite well. One thing I'm very happy is that, my mum and I went shopping. She bought me some clothes, and a converse bag. I love it. I love her. I love my dad. I love my family. I hope there is something that i can do to repay them. Thanks so much.

Again, I was happy, and down, and now Im happy. I finally can online with my own computer! (one of the reason =P) So overall, i guess my mood is quite balance. LOL! And after thanking everyone, I need to thank God, because with him, everything is possible =) Tata~

Adapting Kuching Life

2009-09-20T08:18:00.000-07:00

Its been a long while now. Have been studying and working at the same time. 2 words = TIRED and EXHAUSTED!! Everynight after work i really very tired till i have not even a time to read or can i say i have no heart to read anymore. The most i can do is just reading up a few pages of bible then i went to bed.

For now i bought my broadband, so i got heart to online awhile, but no heart to study. Eventhough im stll very de tired. I.. miss KK a lot, its not the place that i miss. I miss my friends, and my boyfriend.

I miss u dear! i miss u babay! i miss u lau kung zai! :( Cho Che Cha Ba Forever.. i really do miss u all till every little thing i do i think about all of you. Just cant stop thinking of u guys. Dear and Babay, u 2 are like my "qing fu" LOL!! My boy, i still love u so much. I cant wait to give u a big surprise when im going back (on December =.=) Hehe..

Of course besides the 3 monkeys that i miss.. i miss another 4 chimpanzee.. Guess Guess Guess..

Okay give up huh? LOU DAO!! LOU MOU!! FEI ZAI!! BOSS!! how are all of u??!!?! i really miss you all =( Wait for me to come back.. I hope u guys when go KL can edit up me inside with u all. heh~ at least i feel better :P

Whoah~ 11.30pm, way pass my bed time. I still need to work early morning tomorrow. So yeah, tata so long!! xD muaksie all!!

p/s: wont be having pics for the recent post because using sister laptop,so no pic :P

I miss KK so so so so much =(

2009-09-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Its the 4th day now in Kuching. =/ I mis KK so much. I wish i could go back often. Im so not used to stay here. I dont know why, everynight in my room i just couldnt get a goodnight sleep. I prayed and still im afraid and end up going to my sisters room or living room to sleep until the sun came out =.= Such a freak right? LOL

I haven't got my computer and my car yet. Its still currently in my boyfriend's house. I guess i will get it by this wednesday/thursday. I miss KK ar..!! Anyway, im planning to go back on december and give a biggie surprise to my boyfriend, so Dear & Babay maybe can come pick me up from the airport. love it xD

My school life? Not very good i guess. I haven't know anyone yet! Except for Gloria. She's the only FIRST person who spoke to me and coincidentally she is from City Harvest ( the church which i am arranged to go). So we went out twice to church. Everything was quite okay in church, but, i gotta keep in mind that she has her own friends in school. I dont know whether she wanna hang out with me or not. So, im kinda alone in school. Ah God, please just let me have my own good friends in Kuching. =( I hope my studies goes well here. I need more clothes. =.= Its all in my car. LOL (have been wearing the same outfit repeatedly man)

Okay, i just came back from my lunch, i asked my brother in law whats wrong with my room, why cant i sleep in. He told me my room used to be a PRAYING ROOM... For goodness sake NO WONDER!!! =.= i was so... zha dao.. LOL.. anyway i dont think i have much to say anymore. Just a bit depress that i have not much friend. =/

Phew...

2009-08-29T01:05:00.000-07:00

My New Hairstyle! (Im eating actually)

Im leaving everyone.. =/ I know it might be sad and hurtful, but it also might be a good start for me. Time passes real fast. Just felt like yesterday when everything happened. I misses a lot of things. Sometimes i even wish i could turn back time and correct some things that i have done wrong, go back to the time where i think would change everything. This is a very silly thought as time can never turn back and can never stop. I just gotta keep reminding myself "what is past is past, i cannot change the past, but i can change my future, so i gotta build a better future, live with no regrets and must always think before i act/speak." I just can hope the road Im taking now is the right one and that I never repeat the same mistakes. Sorry if i ever hurt anyone, truly im sorry. =)

"BEC"

Im going to Kuching on the 3rd of September, may not come back often, but maybe once in a few months. -Shrug- I hope i can come back on November. I feel like celebrating my birthday here in KK with my darling and babayss.. I miss you all and love you all so much. There are times where i dont know how to express myself to you all.. but its okay, i bet God knows it =) Oh God, you so gotta guide me through this long long way I'm walking on, so gotta lead me so i do not make any big mistakes. (pray pray pray)

As for my boyfriend, I am planning to bring him to Little Italy tonight for our dinner. I want both of us to be happy and that we can trust each other when I'm at kuching. I love you. I just want everything to work out well between us. Trying so hard to let you know how i feel, I know i might have hurt your heart, i regretted so much. Just this once, i hope i can fix this back. *Hugs & Kisses for you darling*

I guess that's about it. Lately everything was going quite well and smooth. Oh, so need to pack my things already. Pray for me my friends? Love you guys so much. Please know that i care too.

FINALLY.........

2009-08-23T10:25:00.000-07:00

Okay its been a long long long long x10 time since i last blogged. Man! so many things happened.. But for now, all i need to update some stuffs and a few stuffs that i got to remind myself.

Firstly, i quit my job. Why? That leads to 2nd update which is I'm GOING TO STUDY~ yippee... and i've been worrying about the same problem everyday. Finally both my sisters are supporting my financial cost to study, without them, i guess I'm just still working. =.= Anyway, my third update is that I'm going to Kuching. Why there to study Law instead of KL? Okay, i gotta make this very clear and straightforward.

1. KL cost is more expensive. e.g. : Living cost & Tuition fees

2. I don't have money to support myself to KL, and even now both my sisters are supporting me.

3. KL and Sarawak (SEGI) offers the SAME PROGRAM which is LLB (Bachelor of Law)

4. Since its the SAME PROGRAM, both RECOGNIZED by UOL (University of London) then why not go somewhere near to KK and fly so far to KL? * I understand people would mostly prefer KL, because its more "town". But, SAME certificate~ so why?

5. Besides that, KL's tuition fee would be obviously more expensive than Sarawak. Why? Because in KL its more popular. Same theory as : Both LV bag from the same factory, one from a more "towny" place, and one in a more "rural" place. So usually people would go KL and asked this question "Huh? Who would actually go Sarawak to buy LV?" This is equivalent to "Huh? Who would actually go Sarawak to study Law". Please be reminded, its the same thing. Am I not right?

6. My sister lives in Sarawak, so i get to stay with her. Compare to KL, i gotta find some place to rent, even if i found some place to rent, its gonna cost me money, and for my breakfast lunch and dinner i so gotta solve myself. So why not stay with sister and just worry about my own studies?

I gotta remind myself, my purpose now is to study. So I'm doing everything i can to anyhow reduce problems that cause any disruptions to my studies. In chinese, 为什么拿苦来辛？when all i need is just to study. I don't need to make myself all tense and pressure.

7. Yes, SEGI may be a cheaper school or maybe not very preferable. But for me, its from different people different opinion. I chose this school because i can see more advantages than disadvantages and i gotta see my own situation and make decision, and after all consideration was being taken, and yes, this is my final decision.

8. Hang out with Bianca & Esther last night, we celebrated Lou Mou birthday, too bad i don't have last night photo, its with Esther Dear.. So yea, never mind, here is a picture of cute Lou Mou too. xD Really happy last night to hang out together. Just hope everything can stay the way it is now.

Thats basically all i have to say about updates, as for things i gotta remind myself to do before i get to Sarawak is this :

1. I need to start calling that man to do transferring my car from KK to Kuching which cost about RM1600 and i need to call my father to give me that money.

2. MUST resign my position as Director in my company. (This should be the 1st =.=)

3. Go to the dentist and then maybe transfer all my documents to Kuching dentist? LOL.

4. Hm... Hang out with all my friends before i go Kuching. Lets divide this to 3 groups.

(a) BEC

(b) All Saints friends

5. Get baptist!!!

6. Pack everything properly and try not to miss a thing (aya.. my desktop how ler?)

7. Sub-line with my boyfriend

Wow~ Thats actually quite a lot. LOL. So lastly before I stop, I would just really really want to Thank God for everything, my 2 sisters who is supporting my financial cost to study, my friends who supported me, and lastly boyfriend for really letting me feel "an xin" to go Sarawak. Really thanks a lot.

(Our smelly feet being bitten by fishie)

As for my sister, i'll repay you guys one day ok? And i know how.. By taking care of your child next time if there is any problem, I'll be there to help. Don't worry, I got eyes to see and heart to feel, whoever really treats me good, I will try my best to treat that person double back good. As for now I may not have the capability, but who knows what future looks like? Now I'm young, both of my sister help me, and when I get older, I'll be very willing to help if there is any problem. xD

This is Cutie Tiffany

Praise The Lord

2009-08-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

Hello again. Today i have this strong feeling that makes me want to listen to gospel songs and to flip through bible. Kinda weird though. I opened up bible flip flip flip till i was at Matthew 6:34 reminded me of something that i have long forgotten. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

I felt a lot relaxed after seeing it. Decided to call Bianca and Esther. Letting them know my decision to Kuching. Didn't hang out, but we had a quite nice conversation. I hope everything will be better especially our relationship. Sometimes misunderstands do happen. I thought they don't find me because they dislike my boyfriend and doesn't wanna hang out with me. Well they thought i didn't find them because i have only time for my boyfriend. That makes it all so clear why we never find each other, thinking this and that by our own. We're having a dinner on Tuesday. Hope everything will be okay.

So yeah, basically i updated almost everything up there. Oh, one more thing. Tomorrow is the day I'm going to take my results. VERY nervous and worried. Still thinking how things will be like. Going to Pine at city mall after taking the results to ask more information about Pine. Most probably will be studying in Pine as i see no disadvantages.Sad thing about tomorrow is that my parents is flying again.. Aww.... im gonna so so so so so miss them.. Love you so much mum and dad.. =(

p/s : My boyfriend made me something special today.. *lotsa hugs & kisses* love it!!

(may not look good, but i love it)

So... yeah.. overall my life is getting better. Must be god's love. xP

Sick of it~!!!

2009-08-08T07:24:00.000-07:00

Im so sick of this and that!! ARGH!!!!!!! Feeling so not peace right now!! Whatever!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im gonna shout out loud if i can!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so so so unhappy!!!!!!

God Knows Best

2009-08-06T02:56:00.000-07:00

Wokay.. Its been quite a long time since i last log in this page. Lately I've been quite busy. Work till 6.30pm, drive home 7pm, went to bath and dinner at boyfriends house.. rest awhile then sleep at my boyfriends house ( don't simply think ar, i sleep with his sister de okays.. =P) The same thing goes for the next day on and on and on. Today i have the time to blog is because my parents came back so im bringing them to dinner later so.. I'm FREE now!! xD

Okay, lets start updating!! I'll start about myself first. =) Don't have much to worries lately. Just got to keep remind myself that I FREAKING NEEDS A DIET.

But that can be solved because my boyfriend is bringing me to gym everyday. *Thumbs Up*

Secondly, i want so bad to earn more money now so i can do more things that i wanted, such as :

1. I freaking wanna change a phone~ my lousy Samsung =(
2. I want to get a lappy!!
3. Crocs (BEC)
4. More money for Oct shopping *AAAAHHHHH*
5. Re-perm my hair!! Ugh~ my hair is so outta shape~
6. A new heels for working =(
7. A woman's best friend. Wait for me!!
8. More and more clothes? =/ (Okay, don't count this in it)

I guess that's about it. Ohh.. Nearly forgetting something. I accidentally POKED my eyes with my fingernails!! =X ouch ouch and it bleeds! Well something about this.. I'm quite happy that :

1. My parents sounded worried, that they asked my boyfriend to bring me to the doctor
2. My sister called from Tawau to care =) love it
3. My boyfriend and his family all cared about me
4. Dear care about me, she called me a couple of times just to ask and a few messages
5. As for Babay, she care too.. Just probably in a meanie way, unlike dear she care like really worried, but babay, called and the 1st thing that came out from her mouth is "Your eyeball need to dig out liao mah?" Very .. no comment about this statement. That's her way of caring even though offensive =X

That's about what happened to me lately i guess..

Process to the next update of my life, BEC.

Kasih Sayang Trip

Haven't been hanging out with them lately.Gonna do so tonight. Hm.. One thing i need to express out before i suffocated till i die. Babay called me today and ask in a way that " Why didn't i find them" and "i cannot always only find my boyfriend and not them".

Gonna answer it here. It might be offensive but that's what i feel and thinks.

Im sorry if i said anything wrong. Every night after working i eat at his house. Yes its true i can find you guys after dinner and hang out. Really sorry. But, you guys never called. You guys made me feel like i am the one who do not care you all and only care about my boyfriend but you guys did not call until today, and that's why we're hanging out. I know.. If you guys don't call, i can call ma right? True.. but did i not text you all? updating you all stuffs.. better than none message from u all until lately? Sometimes even no reply. One more thing, honestly, you guys go out you guys got call me mer? Well seriously i don't believe that lately we didn't meet and dear and babay u 2 also did not meet. I'm sure u guys meet, but i never receive a call from you all to asked me out. I even believed that you guys will text nearly everyday or every morning or every afternoon or every night or every whatever without texting me. Don't tell me lah you guys never find each other for even a day. I'm sure you guys will always sms unless babay is working, but still after working babay sure text dear de lah.. Then you guys hang out. Okay, what am i suppose to do? call you guys everyday and smses you guys everyday when i think you guys are smsing and calling each other everyday without me? I admit, I'm a bit negative thinker like what babay said. Maybe thinking this way is wrong, but still, why never ask me out and waiting for me to ask you guys out when u guys are going out? Weird isn't it? Shouldn't you guys going out and asked me to join? Okay never mind about this, either way i know its my fault and its gonna be my wrong. Secondly, babay say i "cannot always hang out with yek de lah must hang out with you all also".. true.. i know.. but, you guys also hanging out with you all de boyfriend de lo.. even dear and babay meet of course you guys de boyfriend will be there also de lo. Then this is my problem because I'm not like you guys hanging out with friends together with your boyfriends. Why? this is because you guys said channel not right. Well i guess this depends among people. My boyfriend knew all the staffs I'm working with and they all said he's friendly and they get along together well. So then, don't hang out with you guys de boyfriend, hang with only me lar. Of course you guys cant understand my feeling because you guys hang together with friends and hang out with boyfriend together at the same time. Now yek changed a lot already you know? Hanging out with you all and with your boyfriends together of course its nothing wrong and he'd be happy too. So basically all these buried feelings you guys wont understand because you guys are not me. Only God knows best, and only he understands how i feel. Dont call me and said that i never hang out with you all but only with my boyfriend, its because you guys hang out but never asked me out. What if babay working and came back, then me and dear go out and eat supper and took photos, and never asked you? What if dear working in shop making-up people and me and babay go out eat and took photos and never called you? Even after you finish working, exhausted from standing and working, yet still never received a call to join? Maybe you guys never play till so late i don't know. But this is just how i feel.How can i not feel bad and think negatively, never mind, still got message scold by babay that the way i reply message makes her don't feel good. Think how you guys make me feel good .. Dear got what happen, me and babay fly car to find.. Babay got what happen, fly car go find and wait in airport.. Me? Just drop by to see me because you guys wanted secret recipe. Now can you understand? Now do you feel it? Tried to message you all reminding you guys that I'm still here.. checked over and over again both of your facebook profiles to find updates..Did you guys even see my facebook on whats going on with my life? Sometimes i even post something like "BEC when is the next hang out" and lol.. you guys never checked my profile and you guys never know unless i wall you all.. Anyway its all my fault, sorry that i never called and find you guys and asked where you 2 hanging out..Don't get mad at me. I'm just writing my feeling to my blog, i have no courage to tell you guys face to face all these. Remember? I'm always the most scardy cat and never dared to say another word. Tried to voice out a few times, didn't turned out well, so its okay, just remain silence would be better. All to myself, All to my God.

Nevertheless, my life's got better now. Working life is improving, family relationship improving.. Nothing much to add already. That's about it.

** Just back from supper with babay and dear, turns out everything was well.. quite okay with dear, except that still babay give me a weird feeling and fei zai too.. -shrug-

p/s : Internet connection may need to get cut off.. so long Internet =(

Alrights, time to sleep, tomorrow need to work AGAIN. Nightie night..

Unfair =(

2009-07-29T07:14:00.001-07:00

Babay and dear u 2 hang out no tell me .. =( only know when i see u guys de photo.. Feel so left out ler.. I was still very happy because i told my parents about u all.. and they say wanna spend lou mou, lou dao and you all to eat tomorrow night.. Yer.. no one like this de lah.. Things start to get better at my place and now im left out.. I bet u guys are outside now since both of you are offline and im the only one online now. Now i know, things do change. Maybe because of ah yek you guys seldom find me also, but i got anything the first thing i'll update u guys, or at least i'll send u guys a msg to update you all ler. You guys didnt even.. find me.. and update me.. Lately also i call you all, you all didnt really call me also. I still love you all so much.. Messages also no reply.. I want to do some exercising find you all out also no respond.. Nvm lar.. As long as you all happy i will be happy also lar..

No doubt my family members and my relationship is getting better each day. Today i was so lazy to go for breakfast and my dad knocked on my door to wake me up, asking me whether i wanna go or not. I told him no. Well he keep repeating his question like "u sure u don wanna go?".. Seeing him like that, even whole night no sleep also i go lar. End up we went to Foo Phin, nothing much to eat too actually. But everything was good. We had dinner and a very good conversation too. Thank you Lord for this. I hope tomorrow dinner with lou mou, slowly lou mou can bring them together to church. I really do hope so. As for babay and dear, i guess its gonna be another awkward day cause i guess i wont know what you guys are talking about. =X

Okay lar.. i have nothing much to say already..10.30pm still early, im going to watch movie in my computer then. Tata. Lazy to upload photo. Not much mood too anyway , just to express my pathetic own disturbing feeling. xD

Miracle from God

2009-07-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

Cheers to all~!! =)

First of all i wanted to thank god for every great things that happened today. Im so happy. As i said in my previous post that i was praying real hard. Finally today god showed me something. I was so amazed. As you all know i planned to sell my house for quite some time but we never did sold it. The few times when there are visitors, its always me and the agent bringing them to see the house. Why i said i was amazed? This was what happened :

Today, about 10 cars came to visit my house and look for it. 3 different agents brought them to see the house. First group came with 4-5 cars, 2nd group 2-3 cars and the others im not sure. What i know is quite a lot. Even the agents were confused and messed up who were with who. This is quite funny =X Whats most shocking is that nearly all who came was INTERESTED!! Thank god so so so much for listening to my prayers. No doubt everything turned better. It really did. I was so happy. All i need is just to be patient after praying. Thank you Lord.

This is already a great news for me. Hm, anyway today was a busy day. I still went for work. So i didnt have much time to talk to my parents privately yet. But im going to do soon. First, i will ask them to apply for me a season parking passcard for me in my working place. Second, im gonna talk to them about my school which i am going into and i hope that i have their fully support into it. Its about 12 am now. I just hope my parents have a goodnight sleep. Then i can sleep peacefully tonight. I want to have breakfast with them tomorrow. =)

Kasih Sayang Day

As for BEC, im sure everything will be alright. Dont worry guys, im still working hard on my crocs. Wait for me!! xD Love you guys so much alrights. Btw, Siao Ling from the church called today to ask me to attend the badminton competition thingy. I guess if i have nothing to do i will go, too bad Esther's not going. =/ Well its okay. I hope everything goes well and smooth for babay and dear. Love you all okay. You all are god's gift to me. I'll appreciate it. Muah!

Anyway its getting late already now. Still have work tomorrow, so .. TATA!!

p/s: I love you too darling!!

Trust me please..

2009-07-27T06:22:00.000-07:00

I prayed hard lately, asking God to give me hints, asking God to guide me, lead me, let me know how to walk on my own road. I guess he is giving me some answers.

Dear, i understand what you're trying to tell me. You said that i cant always stick and depend on my family and that i should try experience working for other people to know the suffer. But sometimes, things that i see you may not see it you know dear? Why go work for other people, "sou ren jia de qi", when turn 1 back round I may be helping my own family? I don't know what the future holds honey. I really don't know how my future looks like. At least i know i want to be a lawyer, and i will chase for it. Honestly, I think after becoming a lawyer, i will help my own family also for documents and stuffs. When i know that this road is somehow related to what my family is doing. I should learn now. Its just 6 months anyway. At least after 6 months, i know a lot of things. If i really work in another place for the 6 months, what if i didn't manage to get my lawyer licence? do i go back work in the place I'm working "temporary" for 6 months? What I'm doing now is at least "useful-er". What if i really didn't manage to get my lawyer licence, came back to my own shop help, that time it'll be too late and hard to start over again. Now I'm just learning the basics. At least i have the basics u know? No matter what, learn in own family is better than learning outside. If i work outside, do you think outside people (wai ren) will teach me things like how own family teach? I know i used to say how much i dislike my own family, working for them and stuffs. Just to think of it, its for my own good. Don't say my brother lar, at least what i gain now in this 6 months, i can go help my sisters again. Maybe now i cant make it. But 4 years later? I may be like my brother/sisters now. My salary may be low now. But think to it, it may increase to a lot.If its me who manage or i own one in the future. Working outside, will increase how many only? This is just a planning only for this 6 months. I still want to be a lawyer. I know maybe you're thinking that my thinking is so simple. But I'm believing in what I'm doing now. I thought you told me God has a plan for me even before i was born? I believe it.And I'm glad that how lucky am i to be in this family. Everything has a reason for it. Just imagine if you have a family business. Stand in my shoe and see. You may think its wrong dear, If at last end up this is not my road, its okay. I wont regret. As you say, I need to hit on the wall only know. But, willing to learn is never too late. Support my decision please. I need it =) Love you all so much, please know that.

So now, I'm planning to get into Pine. For this 6 months while working, I'm gonna study part time, take a subject so next year when i start it will reduces my pressure. I still need to talk to my father. He just came back, still doesn't know whether i have the capability to go study. Like i said, things doesn't always go my way like how i wanted it to be. Besides that, if my dad says okay, i guess 2 years i will be in KK, and another 2 years in England, but this is all just a plan. If can, i hope this can happen. Still praying hard and hope God will listen to my prayers.

爸爸我爱你！！

* Just reached home not long ago, went to the airport and picked up my dad. My dad's getting quite thin now. Its very heartache to see that. He told me that he's been sick for at least a week. More heartache. I hope he's feeling better. I waited him for about an hour, his flight delay. While waiting, i pray to god, hope that god will guide me, and please let my dad understand me and my situation so i can talk to him this time successfully when he is back. When the plane landed and he came out, he told me the plane flew on the sky for about 30 minutes and was unable to land. I was so shocked. Thank god, he's fine and the plane landed safely. He told me a lot of people in the plane turned "green". LOL.

I brought my dad to Beverly Hill for supper. We ate porridge. Don't know why, talk to him.. I feel like crying. My tears keep filling my eyes. Its so hard to control but i did not cry it out. I asked him how is he living there? He told me his life there. I'm glad as long as my parents are happy. Each time i swallow my porridge, somehow inside my heart i feel like crying and telling him how much i misses him and how happy am i to see him. He was eating quietly, face looked down facing his bowl. I looked at his face especially his eyes, i nearly cried. Its like seeing him getting older each day by each day. The sad thing is.. I only get to see him maybe once a month.

He told me that he's happy staying there. A very healthy environment he said and a very nice place. He exercised every morning, and went for a swim too. He said that staying there feels like leaving away all these problems and all those "shi shi fei fei". I bet he must be tired staying here with all these problems. Even I saw my mum's improvement staying there. Getting healthier and healthier each day. I bet my parents have their own problems too. I wonder if its financial problem.. would it be even more a burden if i told him i want to pursue my studies in England? I didn't say anything till we get back home, he saw the "brochure" from Pine. So i just tell him that i want to study in this school. "Lets talk tomorrow then" is what he said. I hope i don't burden him and make him feel worried. He's old already, i don't want my parents to worry things about me. How can they be more happy if like this? I cant bare to see them unhappy and worried. If there is a way not to let them worry i would try my best not too. If there is a way i wont need to use their money so they can use it as they want, i would try my best to do it. The only way i know now is, work for my brother. If he doesn't give money to my parents, then i would rather work for him and gave some money to my parents, well at least its still my brother money. =P

I really hope everything could go smoother. I know it will. Just like before my dad landed, i prayed, and the conversation between my parents and I got better. Don't know why, last time i never wanted to tell them things about me. I would change topic if its about me. Sometimes its my fault, for not giving them chance to understand me. I hope i can have this chance back. I want them to know more about me and understand me. I want them to know everything about me, and i want to know everything about them. I want to be their good daughter. Its so heartache to see them sad. I'm very happy now. That everything has gone better between me and my family. These are tears of joy. I love my parents so much I hope they know that.

BTW, something happened while my dad and I was eating. If I'm not wrong a family of 4 from China went to eat porridge too. The 2 daughters were very very young. One of them if I'm not wrong is about 3 - 4 years old, and the 2ND daughter was about 1 - 2 years old cause she doesn't know how to eat yet. The older daughter, for goodness sake just 3-4 years old, was playing the cup and the water accidentally spilt out. Do you know what the father did? He got so so so pissed and SLAPPED her daughter!! I was so so so shocked to see it. Her daughter dare not even cry. Her mum then walked to the daughter wiped a bit of the face and clean her shirts and then said this "Eat your food if not i don't want you! I really don't want you!". Omg. The daughter did not eat and LOOKED at both of her parents only. She did not cry. I bet she is creating "hateness" in her. Don't ever think a child doesn't know everything. I think she will remember it even when she grows older. Just 3 years old! Got slapped so hard on the face and she's sitting in a BABY CHAIR!! Even the Boss in the shop went there and said "Small matter small matter, no need so angry, its okay". This is so uneducated!! Its a public area. The father don't know how to control his own temper, her mother also another one lah.. I don't know how long they can last in their family. Crazy.

=.= So long already i write. Update a bit about my boyfriend. He bought an I phone. =.= LOL. As usual he pick me up from work, went to his house for dinner and then home. We planned to go Power Net awhile then to sing. But because its too rush so I did not go. LOL. We're still fine and everything is getting better. Love it so much too. Thanks to Babay, dear, boss, fei zai and my boyfriend for taking care of me when i need it so much. Thanks to all. Muaks.. Love you all so much.

Think it through..

2009-07-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

Today, is a tired day, but many great things happen. One most happiest thing is that i finally think it through. Must be god's work. =) As usual, i went to work today. In the afternoon, Babay and Dear came and gave me a surprise with boss. Yeah I'm quite happy. Really shocked to have see them. Things were going well enough. Had a high tea in Secret Recipe, and then to F.O.S. Hooray for that. Cheba & Choba bought some clothes if I'm not wrong. =) SHOPAHOLIC!!! hah hah..

Another thing that I am happy is because my boyfriend called me and asked me whether i had my lunch already or not when I'm having high tea with Che Cho. I'm glad that he asked. It proves that he really do think of me. He was at Karamunsing that time looking for phone models. He wanted to buy Samsung Jet. Ah Woo, Ah Sim, and my boyfriend did went to Centre Point to look for me. I'm happy he did that too. They then went into my shop help nearly all the staffs to "pa mai". Its those Chinese doctors using their hand and feel the other persons nerve i think. -Shrug- Anyway they all get along well with my staffs. One of my colleague, Pink, said that he's a nice boyfriend. Another Hooray for that =)

That doesn't end yet. We went to Foh Sang eat konlow mee with Ah Yang (Henry) and his girlfriend. We had a very very nice and useful talk. Just the 5 of us, we chatted in my house living room for a few hours. Maybe just 2 hours. =P Well, everything goes well, and thank you Lord, maybe this is "the hint" that I'm waiting for.

Thumbs Up for YOU xD

BUSTED

2009-07-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

Hello. After a few days of busy-ness, i finally have time to blog. These few days .. i realised, a lot of people got BUSTED. It's very funny that i would just laugh to myself. hah. Okay I'm gonna say what i did these few days.

Okay, from what i remember, i went to Choo's wedding. A great wedding =) No doubt they all look so happy. My mum came back, I was quite happy. I spend a lot of time with her lately. Well, most of all is driving her all around to her friends place and stuffs. We went to Wisma, she wanted to perm her hair. So i planned to get a haircut. Boo. I don't think the haircut matches me. So i guess I'm not going back there anymore. LOL.

=X Speechless

Last night i went to Devil's Pub with my boyfriend and some of his friends. Ah Sim got drunk ed LOL. I hope he's feeling better now. We actually planned to go home at 11 cause i need to pick up my mum in her friends house. My boyfriend and I went to the car then my mum called and asked me to have fun for another hour. So we parked back. An hour later, I called her again, she asked me to pick her up at 1.30am. =.= Yeah, i was shocked myself too. I bet she's having a great time with her friends. I'm truly happy for her if she's happy. =) Muah mama.. Love ya so much!

Too bad happy times passes so fast, I'm going to the airport in a few hours. =( Well I'm always gonna miss u mum. I hope everything goes well for my family and friends. As for my friends, B&E, nyahahahah... I love u guys too.. muahhh.. xD BEC rawkx!! They went to steamboat last night, funny pictures LOL. Anyway its great to hear that their all having a good time too. Cant wait to hang out with u guys again the next time. Cheers.

See, we had our steamboat moments too xD

Tik tok tik tok. August is gonna be here in a few days. By that time I'm gonna quit my job and start a new job. Hope everything goes well for me. My sister called my yesterday afternoon. We talked for like, 15 minutes. We talked a lot, mostly about my future road. She gave me some suggestions which i would consider. Thanks sis. =) Hm.. after my sister called, i start to get bothered by some words she said. About my car.. She said its kinda a burden that she need to help me pay my loan for the car. =( Straight to the point, she wants me to pay at least half of the amount. That's about Rm300-400. Another burden for me.. =/ "hooray?" =(

I kinda got my planning already. I'm just gonna work until end of this year, and I'll continue my studies. Actually, Pine's not bad lar i think. My sister ask me not to keep change my mind. Stay to it wa. Cause i told i her i may be going to KL mar. Sigh.. how how how.. KL?? PINE and then to BOND?? Anyhow it'll be a problem since the car maybe need to move to Tawau back to her =.= Ah.. never mind.. postpone this question. As long as I go study beginning of the next year then can already.

=/ I cant get my mind out of the "Car Problem". So many things i wanna do still. I need to go get injection for the "Cancer Prevention" thingy.. Which cost another rm300 for a month.. and that injection need to be inject for 3 months. Sucks, i know. Besides that i want to go for braces. =/ i want i want i want. Damn all these money problems. If only i could work longer, then no need to study for awhile more.. Maybe ..things would get better. Damn. =(

Do You Know?

2009-07-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

=/ It has been awhile.. If I'm not wrong, it has been about 1 year and 3 months we did not talk. We used to be so close, so friend. Now you're leaving, i didn't even see you. I guess there is so many things that you didn't know. I still remember our last conversation in msn. A very harsh ones.

Do you know? I can remember it clearly, everything that we had done and gone through before. I of course still remember how we met. We were just Form 1. In just a glimpse, we're 19 now. I wish that we were back like old times. Its very sad that time cannot turn back.

Do you know? I had a crushed on you. I really liked you a lot. I really really really do. I guess its just not our fate? yet? -shrug- You're really good.

Do you know? There is not one time with you that i wont laugh and smile. Seriously, you brighten up my 5 years high school life. Thank you. At least i was happy. You gave me so much nice memories. =)

Do you know? That you're in my "Regret never be with guy" list? LOL. I bet you never know this. (You're the first in my list)

Do you know? That i wanted to tell you a million times of sorry? I know i hurt you in some ways. Im really sorry. Sorry that i was angry at you when you "annoy" me. But..do you know that I was so happy after you "annoyed" me? ( I went back home and cant stop smiling just because of what you did). I acted so fierce. =/ i don't know why. I'm shy i guess.

Do you know? I cried like hell when i made u angry? =P I still remember i wrote my Ex bf name on your yellow bag.. haha.. =X

Do you know? I cried even more like hell when we start arguing and nearly we cannot be friends? And i cried more more more like hell when we're not speaking to each other anymore? I bet you don't know about this too. My heart hurts so so much.

Do you know? Elliot Yamin - Waiting For You is the song that will remind me of you, and I cried every time i listen to it.

Do you know? I need to thank you. I really need to. You're the one who i called when i was sad everytime. You're always there for me. But.. I never realized. Until now.. Its too late. I gotta admit, there has been a lot of restrictions between us too. Eg. My boyfriend. LOL. >< *Slap Slap Myself*

Do you know? I get so jealous when i see you with your new friend. When i used to be sitting next to you every lesson, played with every time, eat with you in class, do our homework together,take picture together.. and now.. its her. I guess she replaced me.

Do you know? How much i wanted to talk to you.. But i never have the courage to do so. I wanted to tell you, you look good in IS night. =) Still. until now i never did tell you.

Do you know? I'm quite sad that i never went to Ren Ai to meet you. I thought, it would be best not to see you since you hated me. After chatting with Eunice, I felt better. Finally i texted you. Thank god you replied. I'm happy =)

Do you know? I'm just waiting for this one last chance.. for us to get back like how we used to be. I know you might think its impossible or what, i don't know. But.. I'll pray to god every night and i know there will be this chance again. I hope you're doing good now that you're in some place studying for your future. Really hope that everything goes well for you in your new life. =)

I guess its just all my problems. I think too much. Now that all my friends is leaving KK, and I'm gonna be left alone in KK. (Just being sarcastic). I just cant make up my mind. I know i wanted to leave KK so so so so badly. But there's always something pulling me back. I always wanted to be independent somewhere away. I always wanted to go somewhere that no one will know me and i can start a new life. But.. I never can do it. Most of the reason is my boyfriend. If anyone is reading this, I know what you're thinking. I must be stupid. No man.. No.. I tried.. But i cant..

I met Alycia today, I told her about Pine. She said she nearly went into Pine, but she did not, and she's going to HELP in KL. Aww man. I want to go KL and twin to England. ARGH!! I really wanna leave KK.. Do something different.. Do things by myself.. I'm just so pathetic.. I cant even go.. LOL.. I better stop writing.. Its too much!! =X

Back To Where I Belong

2009-07-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

Its raining heavily now at my place. Oh.. so cold.. Finally i can have a goodnight sleep in this kinda weather. Miss it so much. At this moment, the weather reminds me of many memories. Most of it is my parents. =/ I miss them a lot. I'm so happy to receive my mom's call. She's coming back on the 20th. Hooray! Cant wait to see her. Have been lonely while they were gone. I miss them.
Besides my parents, I've been thinking a lot about my boyfriend too. Well, all i know now is that i love him so much, but i don't know whether he loves me or not. Sometimes all these thoughts just cant stop bothering me. I am still trying my best not to think any other things. Trying so hard to just be happy now that he is willing to be with me. I don't know how the future may look like, but i really do hope you're the one who will always be with me. Love you so much.

I guess I'm going to find Andy out soon. I so need to talk to him about "Pine". I hope i can graduate here. Best thing of graduating here is that i get to continue my law studies, at the same time i can be with my boyfriend. Isn't it great? =/ If like that, I hope every holiday i get from my school, i can go visit my parents. Hm.. well, i cannot be greedy right.. If i choose my boyfriend, then i cannot go overseas study. Since i made my decision to stay with my boyfriend, its okay. When i have chance, i can go overseas and have fun also mar. =)

I hope this decision i made is a right one. Lord, please guide me. I hope he really do love me and care me from his heart. Hope that everything goes well between me and him, cause i really love him.

As for Bianca babay and Esther Dear, I hope they both can last long long with their current boyfriend and stay happy forever. Love you guys so so so much and thanks so so so much for everything. *Hugs & Kisses*

Friendship Never Ends

2009-07-16T03:34:00.000-07:00

The Happiest Time. Hope It Wont End.

It's been awhile since i last blogged. A lot of things had happened. Hm.. I was sick for this few days. I went to the doctor and i got 38.5 degree for my fever. Bad bad. I sleep whole day after that. Basically that was what I did. Sleep Eat Sleep. Hm.. B&E didn't came to visit me.. =( but they did called me and asked me whether i wanna go out or not.. =( I rejected because i was too sick. I didn't even go out for this few days. But I'm feeling better now. No worries =)

Honestly, i did feel a bit left out. Hm.. Well its my fault too actually, i didn't manage to go to Mt.K with them. But its okay lar, as long as they had fun, I'm happy for them too =) Hm.. i don't know why.. But my relationship between E is not quite good.. We seldom talk.. Even B still mms me =P I did try my best to make it up. I msn E. Seems like it didn't turn out quite well. I guess i can feel the gap between us already.

CESS
Forever in my heart =)

History repeats. This reminds me of CESS. I used to be so so so close with them, but in the end it didn't turn out to be good. I should have learned from my mistakes. We should not get too close in a short time, things just wont get well. Sometimes these needles just cant leave my heart. About CESS, its past. So i need not talk about it, but i do miss all of them. Now, when everything starts to get pretty well, here comes another problem. I've been wondering, is it my problem? -Shrug-

I have always been well with Bianca. No doubt she's my best friend =) Esther, I really liked her a lot. Sometimes i do hope she can be my sister. xD Hm.. but i can never forget that day.. It just hurts my heart. But whats past is past. I don't want to talk or think about it anymore. Honestly, after they went to Mt.K, Esther never really did find me. Maybe I'm a bit too sensitive, but i did msn her. I guess she forgot about me, even her msn caption had nothing to do with me. Maybe I'm totally left out. Well hey, i never gave up after that, i did went to facebook and left both of them a message on wall. Asking them when to hang out and so on.

Bianca did not reply, i can understand that, she's a air stewardess. We are sms-ing now. Hm.. just wondering what could Esther be doing. Maybe she's out i don't know. I know i got a boyfriend now, but i didn't don't care u all ar.. Hm.. babay, you're saying like i "zhong se qing you".. Now that im feeling better from my sick, i did try to ask u all out.. Whereas Esther, .... She didn't even find me ar.. Maybe I'm a bit sensitive.. I should text her and see how it goes.. I've made my first step. Im trying my best to pull everything back.

*Wink Wink*

Okay, i guess that's what i have to update between my friends and I. About my boyfriend, he's treating me well. He came and visit me these few days when i was sick. He even bought me "leong cha" =) Everything is quite good between me and him. Hooray for that xD

Boo.. I guess I'm going to work tomorrow. Like what Bianca told me, its best not to work with own family. I've think through it. After this month I'm gonna change job.. Oh Lord, please let me find a good job.. =/

Tik Tok Tik Tok.. E did not reply.. Now i've got nothing to say =X Should I call? Well.. since already made the first step, Why not call? Arhhhh its gonna be so awkward..... Okay.. Turns out to be, Im over sensitive =X heh heh.. Im going over to her place now.. Damn im too sensitive.. *Slap Slap* Silly me..

A Lazy Day

2009-07-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

The Kitties

Boo... I'm a pig today. I woke up at 8.30am, lazy to go work, so i called my brother and let me off day today since Sunday I'm not offing. I'm going to Hyatt Hotel for exhibition. Cant wait till that day. I wanna learn more things, so i can serve more customer and earn myself more money. So glad that my brother allow me to go and take a look. Thanks bro, even though sometimes i dun really like u. xP

Today i went to Karamunsing with Bianca & Esther. Bianca wanted to buy a camera. Their going to Mt. Kinabalu this Saturday so she wanna have a camera and take lotsa pictures. Too bad i cant come =( Its alright. As long as they have fun. xD After she bought her camera, I went to Tanjung Aru and look for my boyfriend. We had dinner with Ah Woo. Everything was cool. =)

On my 17th birthday (I think)

Today's cell group is at my place, so when i reached home, Andy and some others just reached also. A bit awkward cause i wasn't really ready , but it turned out okay. I'm so so so broke today. =( When i was in Karamunsing, after Bianca bought her camera, i went to some shops and shop for clothes. I bought a sleeveless, a short green skirt, and a short black pants. It cost me rm100 and my wallet left rm6. Luckily i have my visa card. Hah Hah. xD

Hm.. Today's cell group topic is a very interesting one. Its about being talk bad, or something like this. Before the cell group, i was feeling uncomfortable because last night my boyfriend and i went to one of his friends birthday. There is this few girls hanging out with my boyfriend, one of them was so close. Honestly i was unhappy. I feel like crying but i keep controlling. I gotta admit she's quite pretty. My boyfriend.. he kinda like left me alone at the side and went pooling with those girls and some of his guy friends later on.

He did come accompany me awhile, but he insisted on sending me home after 15 minutes (or less). Its really heartache sometimes to see these kinda scenarios. =( But after cell group, i think it over. Actually its quite needless to be sad or unhappy. Sometimes i just got to let things flow naturally. So yea, now I'm feeling better. Like Lena Jie said, "Pray hard". =) It's nearly 1am now, I'm going to read a few pages of bible and go to bed. Goodnight =) God Bless.

Dear Diary..

2009-07-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

Today is another boring day. Nothing much happened today. Bianca called me, asked me whether wanna go to KL on October or not. So i called my bf, too bad he said he cant go, he's going to Singapore. So i called my parents again, their okay with it, so I'm going to KL on October. I bet it will be a lot of fun. Bianca & Fei Zai, Esther & Boss, Lou Mou & I. Woots!! The air ticket is quite cheap actually, RM100. =X I'm so broke. I need to start saving money =( Cant wait to shop shop shop with them on Oct. Cant wait to see my parents. I miss them.

I'm kinda moody today. I chat with Wilson just now. So i asked him about "Pine Uni". He told me only need to study in KK for 2 semester then the next 2 years i need to go to BOND in Australia. That's not i want. i mean.. i always wanted to go overseas. But at this time, i just cant leave my boyfriend. =( i told him that I'm not going to study overseas and that I'm studying in kk. So if i leave, i would break his heart and break my promise. I don't want that to happen =( But.. i want a better future.. Argh. Wilson asked me to pray hard. I guess it will work. I just hope all these can be solved. I'm so stuck now. Sigh. Sending S.O.S... Help!!

I'm going out later with my boyfriend, we're gonna attend one of his friend's birthday. Too many things is going through my mind. I've been thinking too much i guess. I don't know what i want. =( I finally saw *ei online today. It has been awhile. =/ I think I'm starting to cough again. I bought a chocolate for my boyfriend, i know he likes to eat dark chocolate. After buying it i saw Joseph. LOL. He didn't really change much. Still that skinny, he should eat more xD. Alright, I guess i have nothing much to say now. Ciaoz

A Happy Day

2009-07-06T05:01:00.000-07:00

<3 Love you Mom <3

Hello. I just came back from work. So tired. Today is a very sleepy day like any other day. Boo. Everything was quite good today. Everything turned out well. Heh Heh. I just want to say thank you so much to my Dear & Babay & especially, Lou Mou. Thanks for visiting me today at work, and bought a pendant and white gold chain from me. Wahahaha. Lou Mou you're my first customer ler. LOVE U!! xD xD xD

Thanks so much to Dear & Babay
*Hugs & Kisses*

After work I went to visit my boyfriend, ate at his house. =) Went to city mall with him awhile, he wanted to buy the measuring tape, so yea. Even though i feel very happy today, still there are things that are bothering me. =/ I seriously need to find Andy out so i can asked him bout "Pine". Hope everything turns out well for me. No worries, God have plans for me. Right? =D

Tired. I'm going to bed now. Waking up at 10 something gwa, even how tired also must wake up find boyfriend. Feel like accompany him . Heh Heh. Im missing him a lot =)

=)

2009-07-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

Take 1 lol

Take 2

Good news. I'm back with him now. This is what happened. We went out for a drink with his friends. He pick me up. On the way to the place, he asked me when am i going to KL. LOL. i told him I'm not going kl, I'm gonna study here. So he said, "I thought u said KK got no place to study what you want?" . So i told him that Andy said there is a new law school here. Okay, the main point is I'm not leaving KK so we can be together.

So we reached the place, we sat down, chit chatted. Blah blah blah, i guess it was almost 12, so he drove me back home. He said he needed to pee, so after that we talked in the living room. So.. i said lets get back together. I'm not leaving KK anymore. He was so so so stubborn. He said no, and asked me to do everything i wanna do first, such as my studies. He asked me to finish my studies and everything first. As usual, i cried non stop.

He told me that I would find someone better than him. I don't know about that, but i told him i cant. So i kept crying. He keep reject me so i keep crying. At last he said okay lar. I don't know we're getting back for the sake of pity or what. But its okay, I'll try my best now. I asked him why he doesn't want me back. He said he doesn't need a relationship, and that he feels that friends more important. He also said he scared he cannot promise me anything, he said he don't know he still can treat me well. He said his heart is not here already, he said that what if he "bei pan" me? I've been bothered by all his questions.I couldn't stop thinking. I dont know what to do. It just feels like he doesn't love me anymore.

So i told myself now, IF he really did anything bad behind my back, then its okay. I just need to tell myself, as long as i love him enough, treat him well enough, if he did anything wrong, its not my fault already. Cause i already tried my best to save this relationship. So if he did anything wrong, or hurtful, i just need to tell myself its okay. I can live my life with no regrets now that I've done everything that i could, and yea, try harder in my next relationship.Like what my cousin said, god closed my door, he'll open another window for me. So if he's not my right one, its okay, at least i tried. So I'm gonna love u more,don't care whether this time its gonna hurt me more than before.

Okay i so need to highlight those if not later on i forgot then i cant stop crying again de lor. Hm.. so that was what happened last night. Today i feel all better, knowing that I'm back with him, i really do feel good and better than the days without him. I'm happy because after my church he called me twice. Eh wait, or once. I forgot, who cares? He called! xD I'm so happy. I love him so so so so much! Hope everything will become better. Oh Lord, please guide me.

So i went to church today, sat next to Esther, haven't told her that im with my ex. So after church we went for our breakfast in Foo Phin. While in the car i told her. =) She said nothing and smiled, i guess. Ha ha. Then when we reached Foo Phin, we waited for Bianca. She reached so I told her again, she looks happy for me. She doesn't look like she dislike or what. She smiled also. I still remember she said "do anything that you want as long as it makes you happy". I was very happy after i heard what she said. Thanks babay and dear. =) Love u guys so much too.

Ah, left out one more thing. Its my sister in law. Gosh she's such a pain in the ass. I work with them, but she's like a boss, came to shop at 5pm and only walk sit for 10 minutes then go off.. So its okay lar, I did not say anything since "she's the boss" now that my dad gave it to my brother. So no matter how that's my dad's shop, and my family shop. Lol. The workers also respect me, so Alice asked me when do i want for my off day. I told them Sunday so i can go for church.

Then my sister in law called me just now, asked me where i am? why am i not working? So i told her i off day. Wow. She said "You don't know first week of work no off de mer?!" WTF. Hello, Im your husband sister la please. So i told her, i don't know, no one tell me,even the staffs asked me when do i want for my off day. YOU didn't even tell me, then you want how? Esh. Sometimes she's nice and sometimes she's bad. Unpredictable woman.

Ah, just no comment about her. She called me to lend her my car. Want to lend my car still want ask me about my off day. Siao la u. Should have go turn turn Tuaran only come down so u can fuel up for me. No no, should have told you I was busy and need to go out. Humph, but no lar. Im not that bad. Just something she should know. How you treat people, and that is how people will treat you back. I guess she doesn't know. So never mind then.

我爱你

2009-07-04T04:11:00.000-07:00

Last night was the best sleep i ever had. I dreamed a lot, but i couldnt remember any. As usual, went to work. Things were even better today. Today's weather quite cold also. Wore my jacket the whole day. I couldnt stop thinking of my ex too today. So i decided to call him, and asked him again whether he wanna watch Ice Age with me. He said no, he's going to BED (Best Entertainment Destination) tonight. Clubbing again. Im quite tired actually. But i insisted on going with him. He don't want ler, but i dont find any reason why i cant go with him, so finally he said "Okay" with a very annoying tone.

I feel sad when i heard the tone, cause it feels like im the one who wanted to go and feels like he doesnt even want me there but i couldnt care too much also. He just called, said their not going to BED but only going for a drink. Im okay with it too. As long as i get to see him. I really miss him a lot today. Not even 1 word could really describe how i feel towards him. Hm, one of my colleagues asked me when do i want for my off day. I chose every Sunday. So that i could go to church and hang out with Esther & Bianca. Its been quite awhile, we havent really talk. No worries, will catch up on you guys tomorrow ya.

*Yawn*

So tired and sleepy. Maybe i should rest awhile before going out with him and his friends. I hope everything turn out to be good later. I posted a shoutout at my facebook, " I need an angel". Mark replied something thats quite meaningful. "Angel is always beside u. God sent everyone an guiding angel since the day we believe in Him. Just pray onto Him and He will let angel do all things on you. We must have faith in Him. The biggest faith is " trusted before we see the things happened " He give u everything, what He need is just an " Amen ". I guess i get what his trying to tell me.

Actually, i am very disturbed by a few things.

- First of all, my ex boyfriend. I love him so so much. Breaking up with him makes me feel so terrible. It just hurts a lot. My heart and my mind couldn't stop thinking of him. Its quite suffering.For those who had failed in relationship, would probably know i feel now. Argh, i want him back so badly.

- Secondly, is he the right one? I dont know whether is it really important to get back with him? I could never ask B&E or any other friends cause i know they would say NO. So i better keep this to myself.

- The reason why we broke up now is because he said I'm going to KL. So thirdly, am i willing to stay in KK and continue my studies here? Cause Andy, my church friend, told me there is a Law school here in KK called Pine (if I'm not wrong). Linking back to no.2, if he's mine, i guess I'll stay (but the question is I DON'T KNOW, damn)

- Lastly, if i did not go KL, i would be missing my parents so much!! I miss them, and their getting older each day. My old plan was to go KL and study there so every weekend i get to see them. Actually my problem's all connected, studies, him, parents??!! Its all LINKED!! Argh!

Now who is there to guide me? Someone? Anyone? Im so troubled by these matters. Its really giving me headaches everyday. I need guidance. Lead me. =(

The wrong heel

2009-07-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

After last night's blogging, i fall asleep like a pig. When i woke up its 8am this morning already xD Bla bla bla i was at work already. Everything turned out quite well until my leg starts to hurt. Tu la, because of what I**** said, i wore the "black" heels. Humph. Match my clothes wa, i couldnt even walk properly. LOL. Dont care, tomorrow im wearing a very not match de heel. haha.

Today is a very sleepy day. =( I thought of my ex a few times today. Feels terrible. Im still thinking whether or not to go for the er.. i dont really know whats that called, need to go church so they can help me "qie duan" my feelings towards him GWA. shrug. Im just trying so so so so hard to forget him and will try any way to forget him. I shop around my place, looking for new clothes that i can wear tomorrow, passed thru so many shops that we both went before. I dont know what im thinking. I guess i want him back.

So I called him and asked him to go for a movie tonight. Dont know whether we'll make it or not. Well, at least i tried my very best. I dont know how long i can take this. Feels like somethings corrupting my heart and mind. Couldnt think straight at all. Feel like i want to work work work till i forget bout him, feel like going kl straightaway. Too many things going thru my mind. Im drowning by my own thoughts. If i leave and go to kl now, maybe things would get better? since we're not gonna see each other? But i need to work there, thats gonna be so sucky. Or work here, and think about him all day long?

I just hope i can delete these memories like how i delete those files in my computer. =/ I need to go church more. Sigh. I still remember the time we went to KL. That was sooo fun! Played in genting, shop together, buy things together, see each other all day long. Well of course my cousin is there too. But still, it was so much fun. I missed him a lot now. All those images of us keep appearing like those spam pop ups. =( how i wish i could hold and hug u tight like i used to?

People say Im always stuck in the past. How can i ever forget? Im still struggling. Just wish and hope for the best. I hope he's happy, at least happier than me, better than me. Damn, i feel like im writing law essay now.

I miss you

Okay.. I just get back.. We didnt went to the movies. He said its his sister birthday tonight. So i went over . Its kinda like a surprise birthday party. But she went out, so yea, my ex and i waited at the living room. We talked, I cried . He told me its pointless to be back together when we're breaking up soon. Cause he know i'll be going over KL to study. I told him i would postpone, but he still doesnt want.

I dont get it. Shouldnt we appreciate the chance we got now?! What he think is that "short pain better than long pain". =( Conclusion, no conclusion. He asked me to stop crying, and so later on I stopped. So i asked him to help me "gua sha" cause i don feel comfortable with my neck. Her sister came back, ate a little bit, he gave me laichee.. so nice. LOL. Then he helped me gua sha. I dont know why its not very pain, I guess my heart hurts more than my skin. Lol, he said nearly bleed, but no lar.

After that, he helped me reverse my car, then i asked for a goodbye kiss. He kissed. The moment he turned away, gosh, I cried again. I couldnt control my tears anymore. So i cried outside his house. The feel is like.. Thats the last time he is ever gonna kiss me and its no more. So i cried and cried. Then i drive home, while crying. So i reached home, i stop crying. Life? Maybe its my problem, im not "open" enough i guess. Its just so hard. I feel so lonely, i feel like finding some friends, but i feel like to stay alone more. I so need an angel now.

First day of work

2009-07-02T09:57:00.001-07:00

Today is my very first day of work. I'm very tired now, but still have to help Shoon put in movies into his pendrive. Need to pass him tomorrow. Then my comp so so so so slow.. Everything at work turned out alright. Not bad actually, except where the part im gonna park my car at Asia city, then walk to center point. bad bad =( Im so naughty today, Im sick and still i go eat Uncle Bob, popiah, Mcd Ice Cream. LOL

After work, rushed back home, 7.10pm, changed clothes went to city mall for the healing thingy in church with dear E and Mommy Daddy. I saw so many people lay down on the floor after the healing thing goes on. =( I hope all of them are alright. Hm, after that went to Luyang to eat konlow mee. Saw my ex. Saddie awhile even though get to see him. Talked awhile then he went off. Then dear Esther and I went to Kit's birthday party in Tata Bar. Smelly and smokey places. My hair stinks. =( Boo.

During the party, Babay Bianca showed me a video that she made for Fei Zai for their 2nd anniversary. =( i mean =). They look so sweet. Sigh. Then i cried a little bit. They hugged me. Then im okay (a bit). We decided to leave that place, we went back to Luyang , this time accompany Babay eat. Saw my ex (again). He was actually there the whole time. This time, i cant describe my feeling. Feels weird. Shrug.

Just don't know why when i get back home, i feel more emo. Feels quite sad. I saw ******* online. But this time he only on his one account. I think.. i don't know what im thinking. Okay i think he's angry, or what, or.. i don't know. He used to on both account de wor.. I think cause he feel its pointless to on both gwa.. since its nothing so important.. yea, i bet that is why. Lol. Very immature de me go facebook and revenge.. hahahaha... silly silly silly me.

Suddenly i thought of an old friend, Evan. He used to tell me that im the stupidest person in this world. And that the others already extinct. haha. He said this world cannot find another stupid person like me. LOL. I don't know if that's true or not, but i hope its not. *Yawn* 1.11am, time to sleep, tomorrow still need to wake at 8 for work. Double Boo.. =(
BEC Forever. Each time i post my blog, im gonna upload a pic of us xD

=X

2009-07-01T00:10:00.000-07:00

After blogging last night, i sleep at 6am. Dont know why im not tired at all. LOL. Maybe i dont want to get fat gwa, cause last night 2.30am i went to 711 and bought 2 noodle cup. Even though i only ate 1, i still must not sleep, will be very fat geh. So i continue watching my HK drama. 6am, i finally fell asleep. Woke up at 12. Not even enough 8 hours but i dont feel like sleeping already. Well, Joanne called, she came to my house "tapau-ed" roti canai and leong cha. She came to do something cause her internet connection broke down.

I still couldn't stop thinking about him.Im getting better la i know. But I'll get emo again de for sure. It's always like this. At least 1 week once I'll feel this way. Hm.. im so so so speechless now. I think actually by this time i would be sms-ing C***F**. But since he told me he wanted her ex back. Aiks. I better not disturb him. Just wish for the best lar. Hm, actually its quite hard to use this blog spot thingy. -shrug- Its okay. who cares anyway. I think there is nothing im going to do today. Continue my TVB drama better. =X Ops, i forgot to eat my medicine ler today. hehe. Its okay lar. No one knows also.

I guess I'll rot again today. I should check up on meetoto. I used to blog there. Its much "funner" blogging there cause no one knows who am i, or who i talk about. Hm, quite good la. I dont feel so emo anymore. =) Hope everything will be okay. Im sleepy. I should get some sleep. =/ He just called me. I dont know why everytime when im starting to feel better, he called. He makes me feel like he still care about me. But he doesnt want me? I just dont get it. I know there's no chance for us anymore. It just hurts when i think about it. I should go to bed now. I hope i can sleep till tomorrow morning. =.= 4pm now till tomorrow morning, LOL. Im going crazy.

First day of blogging

2009-06-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

Hm..This is the first time i blog here. Today is a bad day for me. I've been crying whole night. It's 3.44am now. i couldnt sleep. Im thinking a lot tonight. It has been about a month since we broke up. Im having a very hard time, trying not to think about him and trying not to cry. But i still cried. I miss him a lot. Bianca & Esther, my 2 best buddy, told me not to begged him back already. I know i shouldnt, but i couldnt help it. i missed him so much. =(

Luckily both of them accompany me everyday.. Bring me go eat.. play.. Thanks so much to them. Besides B&E, Boss and Fei Zai also pei me.. They are B&E de boyfriend.. thanks so much to them too..If it wasnt for them.. i think my eye ball already dropped off.. I dont know really know what to write, though i feel like there is so many to write.. Oh, do i need to intro myself here? lol. nvm.. its pointless anyway.

Hm.. blog.. a good thing about blog.. is that we can write anythinggggggg we want. Bad thing is that if we're writing "bad" about someone, and if that someone sees it.. then, LOL... but lucky for me.. i seldom dislike ppl geh.. so i guess its alright gwa.. Something about me is that im weird. Very weird. Im happy at times, and can be very depressive at times.

Since im feeling a litttttllleeeeee bit better. Maybe i should write sommore about myself. Im 19 this year.. Nov 10 1990 is my birthdate (whoever sees this remember ar, i want pressieee xD). I just graduated from Alevel course. Its quite tough actually, i even thought of quiting it halfway. But i still made it till here. I hope everything goes well for me. So now im "holiday-ing". Going to work soon. Maybe then i'll continue my studies. I want to study Law. So i'm thinking Brickfields, ATC, or Help. Argh~ Its giving me headache. So i better dont think first lar.

Suddenly i think about chunfei. He say he is happy wa, that his ex ask him to sleep early. Ah nevermind la. I dont know what else i can say already. I cant say anything. cause im also like this. My eyes hurt. Sigh. I watched about 16 hours of TV today. Still watching, its the "ID Jing Ying" i think. Not bad lar. Im at the part where the woman's dad passed away. So sad. Now i miss my parents. I dont get to see them always, so Im always at home. Lol. Now you know its so hard to not think many. Im always at home, and if i dont go out, i'll be either facing my computer or my TV. Really, how can i not think? sigh.. enough lar.. Im talking crap already..

i look so weird in this pic, but he look so cute =)
BEC crabbie time
my sis and jie fu LOL